I once had a friend with some rather unruly kids. Before you rush to criticize me, let me clarify that I have four children myself, two of whom could easily be deemed “wild.” The challenge isn’t about their personalities, birth order, or individual needs; it arises when my friend visits and allows her kids to run wild. Meanwhile, my own children just stand there, wide-eyed, looking at me as if to say, “Mom, what are you going to do about this chaos?”
I confess, I’m a rather strict parent. For instance, I don’t permit my kids to jump on the furniture. I believe it’s important for them to respect our home and understand that they should behave similarly in other people’s spaces. They have ample opportunities for free play—especially outdoors—and they know when and where they can unleash their inner wildness. I’m not trying to stifle their spirits; however, when it comes to our home, I enforce my rules.
Returning to my friend, we have a spacious, unfinished basement that I affectionately refer to as “Kid Paradise.” It often resembles a disaster zone, with costumes, dolls, toy cars, and various other toys scattered about. I’m not overly concerned about this area since it’s just concrete. My kids enjoy heading down there to blast music, have costume dance parties, or play dodgeball with their dad. This is all well and good—until I find myself cleaning up the chaos once a month.
I’m thankful for this space, as it’s perfect for rainy days, snowy weather, or simply entertaining friends. However, my friend would bring her children over, and they’d bang their toys against the windows or chew on foam bullets like gum. I’ve had to remove Barbie accessories from their mouths more times than I care to admit. My friend seemed oblivious, preferring to sip from her thermos instead. You might be thinking: Just don’t invite her again! But unfortunately, she wasn’t the only one who acted this way.
I understand that all moms need a break at times. However, her break came at my expense. While I experienced anxiety about the potential for accidents—her kids could choke, get hurt, or accidentally harm mine—she appeared relaxed, as if my home was a playground for her children. I didn’t want her kids’ behavior, or lack of supervision, to influence my children’s understanding of respecting others’ homes. So what could I do?
Though I try to avoid meddling in other parents’ affairs, there’s a limit when it comes to the potential dangers of children shattering windows or choking on batteries (yes, that happened). I realized that a change was necessary. Either I could take on the role of supervising her children or enforce our household rules. But how? How do you set boundaries with other people’s kids? What’s the etiquette surrounding this?
I decided that every time guests came over—unless they were regulars familiar with our guidelines—I would hold a brief meeting with all the kids. I didn’t seek the parents’ permission; after all, it’s my house, my rules. I’d express my excitement at their visit, help them put away their coats and shoes, and then lay down the ground rules. Depending on our planned activities, I would remind them of the guidelines—whether we were playing outside or in the basement.
For example, when going outside, I would explain our limits, especially since we live on a busy street. I’d pull out toys from the garage to keep them away from yard tools and let them know where the popsicles were stashed if they wanted a treat. This simple approach made a world of difference, and I couldn’t believe I hadn’t thought of it sooner.
I found that explaining the rules in front of the parents allowed them to reinforce those expectations with their kids. While I still occasionally remind a child of the rules—usually when the parent is preoccupied—it happens much less frequently now. If we’re in the basement, I make it clear that windows, the elliptical, and the storage area are off-limits, and I close the storage-room door. The space is kid-friendly as long as they follow a few basic rules. I also point out where the bathroom is, which seems basic, but I learned it was necessary to cover it during our meetings.
I’ve also implemented another change: when inviting people over, I explicitly communicate how long the playdate will last. I had a few friends who would linger for hours, which became overwhelming. Now, I’ll send a message like, “Want to come over to play Thursday? I’m thinking 3:30-5:30 p.m., and then we’ll need to start dinner.” Setting this boundary has relieved a lot of stress for me.
This doesn’t apply to my closest friends, of course. They can come over, raid my pantry, and feed their kids whenever they like. Their children already understand the rules: come in, take off your shoes, and have safe fun. But for others, a reminder or introduction to the guidelines is essential. It makes playdates enjoyable for everyone.
I can’t always predict how other parents will handle their children in my home. That’s why I hold quick rule meetings with every family that visits. It streamlines things, and playdates are now much more enjoyable. I can finally relax and enjoy the adult company instead of constantly blowing the invisible whistle on each infraction. My rules are not about being overbearing; they are about ensuring safety.
Interestingly, since I started holding these meetings, my kids seem to enjoy having friends over more than before. When my friend’s kids get rowdy, my own children now understand that such behavior isn’t acceptable in our home. I don’t want them picking up any bad ideas.
Some might think I’m overly strict, but I believe it’s entirely reasonable for each of us to have expectations for our personal spaces. We’re not only teaching our kids to respect others’ homes; we’re instilling an overall sense of respect. My rules aren’t superior or inferior to anyone else’s. If you’re okay with your child trampling through your garden, that’s your choice. I set my own rules, and I expect both my children and their guests to adhere to them. So far, things have improved significantly. Hosting friends has become a much more pleasant experience for everyone involved.
For more insights on parenting and managing playdates, check out this related post on home insemination and learn about how to navigate parenting challenges. Additionally, if you’re curious about home insemination kits, visit Make a Mom for expert advice. For comprehensive information on pregnancy, you can explore Science Daily.
Summary
The author discusses the challenges of managing wild behavior from friends’ children during playdates and the importance of establishing household rules. By holding brief meetings to clarify expectations, the author has created a more enjoyable environment for both their kids and their guests, allowing for better playdates and less stress.
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