From a Music Educator and Parent of Musical Kids — Don’t Coerce Your Child into Music Lessons (Try This Instead)

As a parent and music teacher, I’ve experienced the challenge of having a child who resists practicing the violin. I’ve also been in the position of teaching students whose parents insisted they take lessons, despite their lack of interest.

Looking back, I realize I shouldn’t have pushed my son to learn the violin at age seven. His youthful energy made it difficult for him to focus, and our personalities didn’t mesh well as teacher and student. After several months of frustration and tears, I allowed him to stop. A year later, when he showed interest in the guitar, we got him one and enrolled him in lessons. Now, he’s been playing guitar for eight years and even taught himself piano by ear.

My daughter began piano lessons at the same age but became frustrated after a few nerve-wracking performances. I let her quit, and a year later, she asked me to teach her violin. Although she’s not keen on solo performances, she joined a local youth symphony this year.

As a violin instructor, I never take it personally when a child decides they don’t want to learn the instrument. Forcing them only creates resentment towards music, their instrument, and even their parents. Over my 20 years of teaching around 70 students, I’ve learned that the best way to encourage a child to learn an instrument is to expose them to music in various forms and present lessons as an option. If they’re genuinely interested, they’ll pursue it on their own.

When children are compelled to take lessons, it puts the teacher in a tough spot, often dealing with a disgruntled child who clearly doesn’t want to learn. I’ve even had students throw tantrums on the floor. I sympathize with their frustration; they’ve expressed their feelings, yet no one is listening to them. Unlike math or reading, learning a musical instrument is a complex task that requires genuine desire.

If you’re eager for your child to learn an instrument, here are some tips to foster their intrinsic motivation:

Highlight Music in Everyday Life

While watching a family movie, discuss the soundtrack and how it influences the film’s mood. Many don’t realize the importance of music in movies, but without it, scenes lose their impact. Play various genres during car rides and invest in decent speakers to enjoy music at home. You don’t need to be an expert—just enjoy the music together.

Keep Musical Instruments Accessible

Piano and guitar are among the easiest instruments to learn and can often be found affordably. If you decide to get a piano, remember that moving and tuning it can cost between $400 to $600. If you’re unsure about a piano’s quality, ask a musical friend or your child’s music teacher for guidance. A keyboard can also suffice, but a proper piano is more likely to attract your child. Guitars can often be purchased for as little as $50 online, and they’re easy to maintain.

Don’t feel pressured to sign your child up for lessons right away. Many kids will be naturally drawn to the piano and start exploring it themselves. YouTube is also a treasure trove of instructional videos for beginners—this is how my son started!

Expose Them to Live Music

Take your children to community performances, like local bands or small ensembles at libraries. Even small towns often have vibrant music scenes, and performers appreciate young audiences. However, steer clear of formal classical concerts until your kids are ready for that level of decorum.

Find a Teacher Who Matches Your Child’s Energy

Once your child expresses interest in learning, help them find a suitable teacher. If they’re eager and driven, look for someone with experience and high expectations. For kids who prefer a more casual approach, find a teacher who aligns with that style. Any reputable teacher will understand if you decide to switch after a few trial lessons; compatibility is key.

Use “When-Then” Language for Practice

Often, a child’s resistance doesn’t stem from a dislike for their instrument but from a reluctance to sacrifice their free time. They may want to play video games or hang out with friends instead of practicing. To make practice more appealing, try saying, “Once you finish your 10 minutes of practice, then you can go outside.” Start with short practice sessions—ten minutes is plenty for beginners—and gradually increase the time. Allowing for a day off each week gives them a sense of control over their practice schedule.

Encourage the Noise

When your child picks up an instrument, your home will inevitably become noisier. Some sounds may be grating, but try to resist the urge to quiet them. Even if it’s not your favorite sound, show enthusiasm for their practice. Ask them to perform for you, record their progress, or play alongside you as you cook. One day, you might find yourself genuinely enjoying what they create.

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In summary, instead of pressuring your child into music lessons, focus on nurturing their interest through exposure and encouragement. Allow them to explore instruments at their own pace, support their practice, and find the right environment and teacher that resonate with their personality.