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Embrace the Lesson: Here’s How to Effectively Teach Your Child to Share and Be Patient
“Sorry, Mia, Daddy’s using the blue crayon right now.”
My two-and-a-half-year-old nephew pulled back, a puzzled and slightly hurt look on his face. I stared at my brother in disbelief. He wasn’t going to give his child the simple crayon? That’s my adorable little nephew! Just hand him the crayon, for goodness sake!
My own child was just starting to explore the world of crayons, so I thought I’d let him pick whichever one he wanted when the time came.
“Would you like to ask Daddy if you can have it next?”
A tiny furrow appeared on Mia’s brow. “I get next, Daddy?” She pointed to the blue crayon.
“Absolutely! I’m almost finished.”
Moments passed while my brother continued coloring with what I now realized was pretend focus. Mia waited patiently, her big brown eyes wide and hopeful, her chubby fingers fidgeting in anticipation.
“Alright,” my brother said, handing over the crayon. “I’m all done now. You did such a great job waiting your turn. I love sharing with you!”
My brother was employing a brilliant method to teach Mia the art of sharing without compromising himself. He wasn’t simply instructing her; he was demonstrating, which can be even more effective.
In the past, parents often insisted their children share out of a sense of duty, regardless of their feelings. It was deemed the “proper” thing to do. However, we’ve come to recognize that suppressing one’s own desires just to please others isn’t a healthy mindset to instill in young children. Sharing is important, but so are politely asking and patiently waiting your turn. My brother was modeling both concepts.
He often switched roles, pretending he wanted to play with the exact toy Mia was using, just to help her learn how to respond when someone requests something she’s not finished with yet. Mia was naturally compliant and likely to hand over whatever was asked of her, even if she really didn’t want to. My brother wanted her to learn to stand her ground.
This lesson on sharing was one of the many insightful parenting strategies I picked up from my younger brother, who welcomed his first child a year and a half before me. He is attuned and thoughtful, always finding the balance between meeting his kids’ needs and preventing a sense of entitlement from developing.
I was reminded of this sharing lesson when a video popped up on my feed. In the clip, titled “Parenting & Behavior Management Tips: Taking Turns,” a father plays with his young daughter, who is dressed like a princess.
The video kicks off mid-action, as if Mom had grabbed her phone specifically to capture the moment. The little girl eyes a sparkly toy crown that her father is about to place on his own head.
“When I’m done, you can play with it, OK?”
She whines and nudges against him, clearly upset by the situation.
“I understand that you want the crown,” he tells her, “but that doesn’t mean you can push my body. You need to wait until I’m finished, alright?”
Mom interjects, asking, “What would you like to play with while you wait?”
Dad suggests a toy vacuum, which everyone knows is not as exciting as a princess crown.
“I want the crown,” she asserts.
“I know you want the crown, but Daddy’s using it right now, so you’ll just have to wait. I’m almost done.”
Eventually, she picks an Elsa doll to play with instead. Mom reassures her that Dad will let her know when he’s finished.
“I’m gonna play with Elsa!” she proudly announces, and both parents commend her positive attitude.
After a brief moment, Dad removes the crown and says, “I’m all done. You can use it now.”
“Thank you!” she replies, and he responds, “You’re welcome. Thank you for waiting your turn.”
From this interaction, the little girl learns patience, what sharing looks like in real life, and that it’s okay for boys to play with princess crowns. More importantly, these intentional moments where parents assert their own needs demonstrate to children that while they are deeply loved, adults also have the right to their own space and desires. Caregivers have feelings and autonomy too, and deserve to be treated with kindness.
Ultimately, we teach these lessons out of love. It’s not just about avoiding raising entitled children; it’s about nurturing healthy interactions in their lives, encouraging them to spread positive energy and expect the same in return. They can only do this if we model the complex social skills needed for such interactions, often stemming from what may seem like a simple play scenario.
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Summary:
Teaching children how to share and practice patience involves modeling behaviors rather than just instructing them. By demonstrating assertiveness and respect for personal space, parents can instill valuable life lessons in their kids. This approach promotes healthy interactions, encourages positive energy, and fosters a sense of autonomy in both children and caregivers.
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