The Most Outlandish Fabrication I’ve Crafted to Soothe My OCD

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Throughout my childhood, I often found myself bemused by the saying, “step on a crack, break your mother’s back.” This whimsical belief shared among my peers seemed utterly nonsensical to me. While my classmates recited this phrase, I pondered the absurdity of connecting sidewalk cracks to spinal injuries. Instead, I occupied my mind with far more plausible dangers—like the risk of touching a public doorknob and contracting a serious infection.

Though my official diagnosis of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) came at age ten, the roots of my anxiety had taken hold long before. I vividly remember being on the couch, engrossed in a 20/20 episode about the Ebola virus and its transmission through monkeys. My racing thoughts quickly transported me back to my recent visit to the local zoo: How close had I been to the monkey enclosure? Did the zoo import monkeys from regions affected by the virus? Had any sneezed in my vicinity?

Fast forward two decades, and my anxiety remains just as relentless, albeit with different fears. My partner often expresses his frustration that I lack a medical degree despite countless hours spent researching various illnesses and contaminants. We engage in a playful yet concerning game where we remove WebMD from our homepage, testing how soon I can spiral into panic.

Over time, I’ve learned to navigate specific OCD triggers. Certain events exacerbate my obsessions, so I’ve become adept at identifying what might provoke my anxiety. For instance, if there’s a salmonella outbreak, I steer clear of salmon (I was only nine, after all). During heightened security alerts, I avoid airports and crowded places. Yet, nothing prepared me for the most significant trigger of all: a positive pregnancy test.

Pregnancy opened the floodgates to an array of potential health complications that could jeopardize my unborn child. This new reality led me to obsess over Listeriosis, a foodborne illness. My research convinced me that avoiding deli meats, soft cheeses, and raw fish would keep me safe.

During my fifth month of what felt like the longest pregnancy ever, news broke of a listeria outbreak traced back to Colorado, though the source remained unidentified. I monitored this story obsessively, even checking for updates in the middle of the night. One evening, while enjoying a large bowl of pre-cut cantaloupe drizzled with chocolate syrup, breaking news revealed the culprit: cantaloupe.

For the next few days, I inundated every grocery store in town with calls. I grilled produce managers and even sent my friend Lisa to inquire if their cantaloupe was properly washed. Despite all my efforts, I still felt compelled to seek medical intervention. I reached out to the nurse at my obstetrician’s office, who, failing to grasp the urgency of my situation, reassured me that I was “fine” because the outbreak hadn’t reached our area.

Thinking quickly, I fabricated a little white lie, claiming I had been on a cantaloupe tour across the country. I told her I would call back if any symptoms appeared. Nurses these days…

I have since stored Listeriosis in my extensive archive of OCD obsessions, alongside concerns like Ebola and MRSA. I anticipate that these fears will resurface during my next pregnancy, as they always do, but for now, I’ve found a brief moment of peace. This is the nature of OCD—you endure each wave of anxiety, waiting for a reprieve that eventually arrives, only to be replaced by the next obsession. But today is a tranquil day, and I plan to take a lovely stroll with my daughter… once I thoroughly disinfect her stroller, of course. I hear that the flu is making a comeback.

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Summary

This article explores the author’s journey with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and how specific triggers, particularly during pregnancy, can exacerbate anxiety. From fabricating a lie to seek medical help to navigating the complexities of pregnancy-related fears, the narrative sheds light on the ongoing challenges faced by those with OCD. The author emphasizes the importance of understanding and managing these fears while finding moments of peace amidst the chaos.


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