I’m Navigating My Third 15-Year-Old, and Here’s What I’ve Learned

at home insemination kit

Parenting

By Jenna Lee

November 17, 2021

My 15-year-old son has been in a bit of a funk lately. He comes home from school, heads straight to his room, and when I try to ask about his day, I get one-word answers. He’s grumpy, seems perpetually annoyed with me, and honestly, it feels impossible to get through to him.

His room looks like a tornado hit it, and I keep receiving emails from his teachers about assignments he hasn’t turned in. When I bring it up, he has a laundry list of excuses, somehow managing to blame everyone but himself.

If I ask him to do something, he promises to handle it with a straight face, but then nothing gets done. It’s only when I reach my boiling point that he finally takes care of his chores.

Welcome to fifteen.

I’ve been through this phase three times with my kids, each with their own unique personalities. Yet, somehow, the experience of being fifteen feels like it wears the same face no matter who you are.

Fifteen is a serious wake-up call. It pushes you in ways you didn’t think you could be pushed. It doesn’t care about your feelings or about being considerate. You might find yourself crying, yelling, or lying in bed wondering where things went astray.

I have a friend, Lisa, who’s currently in the thick of it with her daughter. It’s her first time, and she’s admitted it’s been tough. “I threw her phone down the stairs because I’m just so over how it consumes her,” she said. Her daughter’s grades are slipping, and all she seems to do is sleep and talk back.

Yep, that’s fifteen for you. I didn’t handle it well with my oldest either. I was constantly on his case, trying to mold him back into the kid he used to be. All that did was make things worse.

He started getting into trouble at school, sneaking out on his skateboard after I specifically told him not to. I was so frustrated that I took away his phone and restricted his social life for months. Nothing seemed to work. Eventually, he told me he felt like he had nothing left to lose, so he just threw caution to the wind.

I learned a lot that year, but I stumbled through much of it when my second child hit the same phase. I confided in Lisa that I knew the struggle all too well, yet I still felt lost. Just because I’ve been through it doesn’t mean I have it down pat. Here’s what I do know about fifteen:

What I’ve Learned About Being Fifteen

• It’s one of the trickiest years you’ll face. They crave (and require) space, but be careful not to give them too much, or they’ll find attention in other ways—whether they realize it or not.
• You’ll probably lose your cool more than once, and that’s okay. Forgive yourself.
• You’ll worry about their future and whether they’re sabotaging it, but often, after their sixteenth birthday, they begin to emerge from the fog.
• Fifteen can feel draining—for both you and them. They’re not having an easy time of it either, so a little patience goes a long way.
• Fifteen-year-olds rarely take advice, but you should still offer it. They might not act like it now, but they’ll remember your words when they’re older.
• Fifteen can lead you to doubt the value of all those years of parenting, but push that thought aside. It’s not true.

My first two kids have moved past this stage. They’re happy, they talk to me about their lives, and they’re starting to appreciate me again.

Fifteen is tough; it won’t break you, but it will definitely test your limits (trust me, my grays and stress levels can vouch for that). Hold onto your faith, Mama. It will get better, and your child will come around again, I promise.

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Summary: Parenting a 15-year-old is a challenging experience that tests your patience and resilience. Communication may dwindle, school performance might decline, and you might feel frustrated. However, this phase is temporary, and with a little grace, both you and your child will come out on the other side.