When I had three kids in just three years, I didn’t really give much thought to the teenage years ahead. Sure, I knew they were coming, but it felt like I had ages to prepare. Honestly, nothing could have braced me for the reality of having one teenager, let alone three!
Just because I once navigated my own teenage years doesn’t automatically make me a pro at raising them. Reflecting on our experiences is helpful, but remember: every kid is unique, with their own feelings and needs. It took me a while to realize that my teenagers wouldn’t respond the same way I did.
Now that my kids are 18, 16, and 15, I’ve picked up a few tricks that have made life easier for all of us. Here’s what I’ve learned:
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Give Them Space
Teens need their own time, and that’s perfectly normal. It might seem like they’ve gone from wanting to hang out to avoiding you altogether. When I stopped pushing them to join me, they started coming out of their rooms on their own. I’d go do fun things without them, like grabbing a burger at our go-to fast food place or going for a hike. If they wanted in on the fun, they had to join me!
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Don’t Critique Their Wardrobe
My kids often step out in pajamas and mismatched socks, and honestly, I’ve learned to let it go. I used to insist they change, which just led to fights and ruined days. Now, I focus on them feeling comfortable in their skin rather than how they look. It’s their style, not mine!
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Ignore the Naysayers
People will always have opinions about your parenting and your kids — let them chatter. What matters is what works for your family. Whether it’s my son skipping college or my daughter with her colorful hair, I’ve learned that every child is unique and that’s perfectly okay.
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Acknowledge Their Autonomy
It’s easy for parents to push their own dreams onto their kids, but my children are not mini versions of me or my spouse. When my oldest decided to step away from sports, it was tough. But once we accepted his choices, he truly thrived, focusing on fitness and saving money like a champ. Every child has their own path, and they need to find it.
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Believe Their Feelings
When your teen expresses hurt, don’t dismiss it. This isn’t the time for “you shouldn’t feel that way.” Doing so only makes them feel unheard, and they might stop coming to you altogether. Everyone, including teens, wants to feel validated.
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Listen to Their Ups and Downs
High school is a rollercoaster of emotions, and if your child is upset about a friend’s comment or a crush, don’t brush it off. Their social world is huge, and those feelings matter — no matter how trivial they seem to you.
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Accept Their Growing Independence
Your teen’s social life is going to take precedence over family time. I used to take it personally, especially with my oldest, but it’s simply part of their journey to find their crowd.
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Remember Your Own Teen Years
When you’re struggling, think back to your own teenage experiences. It’s a challenging time. While they need to be accountable for their actions, keeping your own memories in mind can help you be more understanding.
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Prepare for Loneliness
As your kids grow, they’ll rely on you less, and that can feel isolating. They might not get excited about family pizza nights anymore, and that’s okay. Focus on yourself during this time — find hobbies, reconnect with friends, and invest in what you love. They’ll come around eventually!
Raising teens is no easy feat, so remember to cut yourself and your kids some slack. Perfection isn’t the goal; growth is.
Summary
Navigating the teenage years can be challenging for parents. By giving teens space, respecting their choices, and remembering their feelings matter, you can create a more harmonious home. Focus on understanding their world and invest in your own well-being, and you’ll find the journey a bit smoother.
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