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We Skip Family Dinners — Here’s Our Alternative
by Jamie Carter
Updated: Dec. 7, 2021
Originally Published: Dec. 7, 2021
You don’t need to search far to find parenting gurus praising family dinners. They claim that gathering around the table each night boosts kids’ academic performance, enhances mental well-being, and lowers the chances of issues like depression and substance abuse. The idealized image of a happy family around the dinner table, sharing stories and laughter, is so common that I spent years attempting to create that scene—only to feel like I was failing miserably.
Then it hit me: the pressure to have family dinners is based on unrealistic expectations that don’t apply to every family, including mine. So, I decided to let go of the guilt and embrace our unconventional routine. Instead of dining at the table, we “break the rules” by grabbing our plates and plopping down on the couch in front of the TV. Shocking, right?
But here’s the thing: this arrangement works for us. We began this new dining style during the early days of the pandemic when our lives were turned upside down, and the dining table doubled as a classroom and office. Why force formal dinners? We loaded our plates and settled in for some good old TV binging.
Some advocates of “distraction-free family dinners” argue that watching TV doesn’t foster connection like traditional meals do, but I beg to differ. For my family, our couch dinners have actually brought us closer. With a teenager and a pre-teen, we finally enjoy the same shows, which gives us something to bond over at the end of the day amid all the pandemic chaos.
Our new routine has not only given us a daily highlight but also opened doors for deeper discussions. We’ve binge-watched everything from Friday Night Lights to New Girl and Ted Lasso. Now, we share inside jokes, discuss complex storylines, and tackle important topics like relationships, race, and substance use—all thanks to our couch dinners.
There are many reasons why traditional family dinners might not work for everyone. Some parents work late, kids have sports or music lessons, and some families simply don’t enjoy sitting down for forced conversation. It’s all about finding what fits.
When it comes to the benefits often linked to family dinners, like improved grades and self-esteem, I believe there isn’t a one-size-fits-all solution. The key is connection. It doesn’t matter whether we sit around a table or on the couch; what matters is that we’re engaging with our kids in a way that feels right for both them and us. Building a strong relationship is crucial so they feel comfortable coming to us when they face challenges.
In the end, parenting isn’t just about what we “should” do to raise well-adjusted kids; it’s also about enjoying our time together. I’d rather have our couch dinners that nurture our bond than force traditional meals for the sake of it—after all, isn’t that the real goal?
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In summary, we’ve traded traditional family dinners for cozy couch time, and it’s brought us closer than ever. So, if you find the pressure of family dinners overwhelming, remember there are many ways to connect with your loved ones that can work just as well—or even better.
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