My little girl, Emma, used to be my shadow. As a toddler, she was incredibly shy and clung to me like I was her safety blanket. While it was heartwarming to see how much she relied on me, I also longed for her to be more social and happy. Unfortunately, that wasn’t the case.
When Emma was two, every time I dropped her off at her little learners class for a few hours twice a week, she would cry — without fail. By the time she turned three, the tears stopped, but she would still retreat to a corner, quietly observing. Her teachers reassured me that she was adjusting and would eventually come out of her shell.
Then the pandemic hit, and we found ourselves back at home together. I braced myself for a potential setback when kindergarten rolled around. There would be new teachers, new classmates, and new routines, none of which she was accustomed to. Instead of walking her to class, I would have to let her go alone, greeted by a teacher and heading down the stairs by herself.
For weeks, I mourned the impending change. This would be the first time in four years that we would be apart for an extended period — seven and a half hours a day, five days a week. I was saying goodbye to my role as a full-time stay-at-home mom, while Emma could hardly wait for her new adventure. I found myself wishing summer would never end.
When the big day arrived, I had already visited her classroom and met her teacher with her the week before. Emma proudly showed off her uniform, complete with a cute bow and new shoes. Unlike her brothers, there was no escorting her on the first day; she was ready to take on the world on her own. I took a deep breath and said, “I love you; have a great day.”
She kissed me and marched off, no tears, no clinging, not even a glance back. My heart swelled with pride. I didn’t cry; instead, I felt joy at how far she’d come. My little girl was spreading her wings.
I’ve joked with her about whether she misses me at school. “No,” she replies, “Why would I?” And honestly, that’s exactly how it should be. She should be out there making friends and diving into learning. Each day, I see her evolving into a more confident and capable child.
Luckily, I still have a place in her world. We spend time playing with her dolls and wearing matching outfits. She still allows me to pick out bows for her hair and the occasional cute sweater.
But I know this phase won’t last forever. Just as she no longer misses me at school, there will come a time when she won’t rely on me as much as she does now. The Velcro shoes will be traded for laces, bows will give way to scrunchies, and her matching lunchbox will be swapped for a plain paper bag.
Everything has happened so quickly. The little girl I used to hold tightly is becoming more independent each day. While she may share my heart with her three brothers, there’s something special about being her mom. She will always tug at my heartstrings just a little bit more.
I won’t dwell on what was but will embrace the present and look forward to the future. Before I know it, she will be leaving the nest for real, and maybe, just maybe, she’ll miss me a little when that time comes.
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Summary
Watching my daughter Emma grow more independent has been a rollercoaster of emotions. From a shy toddler who clung to me, she has blossomed into a brave and excited kindergartener. While I cherish the moments we still share, I know this phase is fleeting. I embrace the now and look to the future, hoping that one day she might miss me just a little.
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