The other day, my tween daughter made plans to hang out with her friends for an entire afternoon, leaving my 10-year-old son, Lucas, and me at home with no specific plans. We quickly decided to spend the day doing a 3D puzzle, watching a movie, and enjoying some popcorn—just the two of us. For him, this was going to be a perfect day with uninterrupted quality time.
Then, out of nowhere, a friend of his reached out to see if Lucas wanted to come over for a playdate. I could see the conflict on his face as he looked at me, unsure if it was okay to choose his friend instead of me. He said, “I don’t mean to ditch you, but I really want to play.”
Without hesitation, I told him it was fine to go have fun with his friend, and I started making arrangements with his friend’s mom. In another scenario, this might not have been a big deal—just a kid opting for a friend over his mom. But for me, it was a significant moment, and I felt a wave of relief wash over me.
You see, Lucas has a pretty big “mom bucket.” He craves a lot of my attention and connection, emotionally and physically. When I take a rare moment to sit on the couch during the day, he instantly drops everything to cuddle up next to me. Sometimes I joke that I might be carrying him down the aisle one day, and honestly, I worry there’s some truth to that.
I often think his neediness stems from the upheaval in his life when he was just four years old. As his only living parent, I’m his constant, his safe space. But I also know that some kids just have a bigger need for connection, and that’s okay. It’s crucial for him to feel safe in a world that often doesn’t feel that way.
The challenge for me is balancing the desire to fill his emotional bucket while also encouraging him to explore the world outside. When he shows reluctance, I try not to force the issue. Lucas is quite firm in his decisions, and I trust that he’ll be ready when he feels comfortable. My goal is to provide him with a strong foundation so he can confidently venture out, knowing he has me as a safety net.
It can be exhausting, and I sometimes worry if I’m doing it right. When Lucas declines party invitations or sticks close to me at school events where other kids are running wild, I can’t help but think he’s missing out on developing important skills for independence.
But then that day happened. Lucas chose to hang out with his friend, and he had a blast. I, on the other hand, found myself with two unexpected hours to catch up on work and reconnect with an old friend. Everyone returned home happy, their emotional buckets filled in different ways. Yes, Lucas still wanted to watch a movie afterward and snuggled up next to me, proving that he still needed that connection. But maybe, just maybe, his need was a little less because he had shared some of it with a friend.
Resources for Navigating Parenting Challenges
If you’re navigating similar challenges of finding the right balance in parenting, you might find helpful resources like Make A Mom for family planning or even explore how at-home insemination works through this guide. Also, for those interested in home insemination options, check out this fertility kit for a more hands-on approach. Plus, consider joining the Make A Mom Facebook group for support and community. If you’re curious about other insights on this topic, feel free to read this blog post as well. For those seeking expert advice on pregnancy and insemination, CCRM IVF offers an excellent resource.
In summary, it’s a journey full of ups and downs, but moments like these remind me that sometimes, letting go is just as important as holding on.
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