Remember back to third grade music class? For us, it felt like we’d been waiting for this moment since we first learned about music. Our teacher, Mr. Thompson, sighed and said, “Today, we start learning to play the recorder.” Cue the cheers. He handed out our cream-colored instruments, and the classroom instantly erupted into a chaotic symphony of high-pitched screeches as we all blew into our shiny new recorders without a clue.
Fast forward many years, and I can still crank out “Mary Had a Little Lamb” on command (BABA BBB…), but ask me to locate those notes on a G-clef, and I’m lost. We never got that far. We only memorized note names, and I can only imagine how many years of my life Mr. Thompson lost listening to our off-key renditions. Seriously, it must have driven him to drink! I wouldn’t have blamed him for stashing a bottle in his desk. The principal would understand.
So why do schools insist on teaching kids to play the recorder? My mother was not a fan. “Practice in your room,” she’d command whenever I tried to perform in the living room. “Oh, sweetie, you sound amazing!” they’d lie. Let’s be real—nobody sounds good on a recorder. It’s weedy, wheezy, and shrill. Were they prepping us for high school band? Oboes? Bagpipes, maybe?
Apparently, there’s a popular music teaching method that champions participatory learning, and the recorder fits the bill because it’s cheap and made of plastic. In Canada, they’ve got the ukulele—far less ear-piercing but also more complex. American kids must not be ready for that, so we get the musical equivalent of a dog whistle instead.
But take heart! The recorder was a big deal back in the Renaissance. People loved it during the Baroque period. Now, some folks, who clearly have too much free time, are even writing jazz for recorders. They should have their rights stripped away—except for Paul McCartney, of course, who used it in “Fool on the Hill.” But we can all agree that’s not one of the Beatles’ best tracks.
According to music expert Lydia Carter, “The recorder isn’t exactly the best choice for kids in their formative years. Its use in schools has often turned it into an instrument of torture rather than music-making.” She might be onto something; it definitely turned me off woodwinds for good.
Let’s not sugarcoat it. A recorder is a type of flute—a bad one at that. Don’t tell me it’s a classic. It’s screechy and awful, and “The Fool on the Hill” is not some masterpiece. Yes, Susan from the Recorder Society of America says it’s a professional instrument that takes a lifetime to master. News flash, Susan: My third-grade class couldn’t even manage a decent “Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star,” let alone some complicated jazz piece. And breathing techniques? We were just squawking for kicks.
Valerie, another board member of that mythical Recorder Society, claims that recorders are easier on the ears than beginner violins. But let’s be real—when kids play the violin, it’s painful but they actually learn musical notation. The recorder? It’s just chaotic noise with no progression.
So, did we really learn anything? Can any adult in America actually play a recorder well? I doubt it. Paul McCartney doesn’t count, and neither do those artsy types who should really switch to glockenspiels or something.
What did we gain? We learned to make noise in public, annoy our bus drivers, and discover that recorders can be heard from surprising distances. But did we learn to play them? Not at all. So what’s the point? Just because you can hand a kid an instrument doesn’t mean you should. Sure, maybe a few kids will shine with it. Awesome. But is it worth the collective screeching of the rest?
Let’s ditch the recorder. Instead, let’s bore them with music theory; at least they’ll learn something.
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Summary
The recorder, often introduced in third grade music classes, is an instrument that many find torturous rather than educational. While it has historical significance, the reality for most students is a lack of genuine musical learning. There are better ways to engage with music that don’t involve the ear-piercing sounds of a recorder.
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