You know, my mom was basically the Tooth Fairy extraordinaire. She crafted unique identities for each child’s fairy, complete with special places to stash our teeth and even wrote elaborate letters with changing handwriting. Four kids, and she pulled it off beautifully. Unfortunately for my little ones, I didn’t inherit that talent.
Honestly, the Tooth Fairy has become a total hassle for me. While I still keep the Santa magic alive—because really, who doesn’t love the idea of a jolly man delivering presents worldwide in one night?—the notion of a fairy sneaking into my kid’s room to collect a tooth that just came out of their germ-ridden mouth? Nope, not for me.
I tried with my oldest son, even going so far as to get $2 bills because they were “magical” and only the Tooth Fairy had them. That was fun for a while, but then my family grew, and something had to give.
The other night, my second son, who’s 11 now, lost a tooth and casually tossed it in the trash. His five-year-old sister gasped in horror. “What about the Tooth Fairy?” she exclaimed, looking at him like he’d just committed a crime. He froze for a moment, then bolted, leaving me standing there, out of breath. My daughter hasn’t lost any teeth yet, but with all her kindergartner friends doing so, I find myself back in Tooth Fairy turmoil.
In a panic, I started rambling about how the Tooth Fairy could find discarded teeth in the trash and how she sometimes prefers little kids’ teeth, which sounds super creepy. I also mentioned that her brother would still find money under his pillow. What was I even saying?!
I have a few of my oldest’s teeth stashed away, though I can’t fathom why. My mom kept mine, and I’ve never once thought, “Hey, let me check out my old teeth.” Are we supposed to turn them into a necklace or a Christmas ornament? Or worse, a doll with real teeth? No, thanks!
So, what’s next? My eldest is now 13, barely acknowledges me, and has no teeth left to lose. My second son is tossing his teeth in the trash like a pro. And the youngest, who’s 8, is probably starting to see through my lazy facade. One day, I handed him a $20 bill to make up for the lost fairy visits, and that’s when he put the pieces together. At least he still believes in Santa, so I’ve got that going for me.
But then there’s my little girl. Every day, I see her sweet smile and know it won’t last forever. She’s going to proudly present me with her tooth like it’s a treasure, and I’ll have to fake excitement while holding a gross tooth in my hand. Ugh.
Now I’m left wondering: would it be weird for the Tooth Fairy to leave a note asking her to break a $10 bill and leave the change under her pillow the next night? Just a thought.
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