For years, I’ve battled issues with eating and body image, a struggle that began in my teenage years and continues into my 40s. I’m the mother of one daughter and three sons, and when my little girl was born, I was determined to protect her from the same pitfalls I faced, like self-criticism that can lead to a life of insecurity. But she’s only five—too young for these concerns, right? Or so I thought.
One evening, as she prepared for bed, my daughter was brushing her hair after her shower, wearing her favorite outfit and fuzzy slippers. She looked so sweet and innocent. But when she caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror, she said, “Mom, I don’t like the way my eyes look.” My heart sank. No! This couldn’t be happening. She’s just a child.
I asked her why, and she responded that it was because they’re brown. I was puzzled about how she had come to view brown eyes negatively, but she was firm in her opinion. I told her how much I loved her beautiful brown eyes and even wished for a pair like hers, but she shook her head in disagreement. I decided not to press further, hoping it was just a fleeting thought.
After tucking her in, I stepped into the hallway and broke down in tears. I had prayed so hard that she wouldn’t experience the same struggles I did. This kind of self-doubt ruins relationships and happiness. I didn’t want my daughter to feel that way about herself.
Had someone made a comment? Did she see something online? Was I a terrible mother for not keeping better tabs on her screen time? I thought I was being careful not to project my own insecurities onto her, but now I was starting to wonder if I was wrong.
I texted my partner, Jake, to share my heartbreak. I felt responsible for making her question her beauty and worth. She’s just five—what will happen as she gets older? Jake reassured me that it wasn’t entirely my fault. She might have overheard someone praising green or blue eyes and wished for similar compliments. That eased my worries a bit, but I still needed answers.
To get to the bottom of it, I asked my older sons if they had said anything about her eyes. They denied it, and I believed them. They’re not the type to pick on their sister. Then it hit me: she is the only one in our family with brown eyes, and not just any brown—hers are a rich chestnut that sparkles. I’ve always been captivated by their beauty and must have made too much of a fuss about them. Maybe I made her feel awkward for being different, and that realization stung.
I remembered my own childhood experience with body image. I’ve always had large breasts, and I was teased about them from a young age. That kind of ridicule sticks with you. Even my compliments, meant to lift her up, were making her self-conscious.
If I played a part in her discomfort, I needed to change my approach. Going forward, I’ll still shower her with compliments, but I’ll be more mindful. Instead of focusing too much on one attribute, I might say things like, “That shirt highlights your lovely eyes,” or “You did amazing on your spelling test; it’s awesome to see you learn so many new words.” I want her to know she’s unique and just as she’s meant to be. There’s no one like her, and she should take pride in everything about herself. With sincere but subtle compliments, I’ll continue to admire those sparkling brown eyes in my heart, because they truly are the prettiest I’ve ever seen.
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In summary, I learned that while compliments are essential, they must be balanced and thoughtful. Our children absorb everything we say, and we want to encourage them to embrace their unique beauty without feeling pressured.
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