Getting teens to talk can feel like pulling teeth sometimes. My 16-year-old, Jake, has always been on the quieter side—not out of defiance, but he’s definitely more reserved than the average kid. I remember back in daycare when his more talkative friends would fill me in on what went down during the day. I wasn’t looking for gossip; I just wanted to know if someone had snatched his nap spot or if he had a stellar day as line leader. If it took a few Skittles to get that info, I was all in!
Fast forward to now, and I’ve got a high school sophomore who answers questions in one-word replies. Ask him how his day was, and you might just get a “fine” or a “boring.” I’ve learned that the candy bribes are a thing of the past, so what’s a determined mom to do? Here’s what I’ve picked up:
Steer Clear of Yes/No Questions
I can’t believe it took me this long to figure out that simple yes/no questions were shutting down conversations. Instead, I’ve realized I need to ask open-ended questions that encourage him to share more. It’s about crafting a space where he feels comfortable to express himself.
Practice Conversations Regularly—Don’t Fear Going Deeper
They say practice makes perfect, and that’s definitely true here. Although my yes/no approach was off base, I’ve consistently tried to engage Jake. Just chatting about everyday things helps him feel less like I’m prying into his personal life. According to Psychology Today, kids often need to discuss mundane topics before they feel comfortable revealing their insecurities.
Refrain from Offering Unsolicited Advice
As noted by Raising Teens Today, the secret is to show genuine interest in their world while avoiding judgment, criticism, or bombarding them with questions. I’ve mastered the art of not judging, but holding back on the questions can be tricky. And let’s be honest, no one wants to listen to a long-winded lecture when they’re just trying to have a conversation.
There are plenty of strategies out there, and I’m here to try them all to find the right mix that helps me connect with Jake on a deeper level. In the words of parenting columnist Tim Lott, the best we can do is to keep our hearts open and create a safe space for them whenever they’re ready to share.
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To sum it all up, the key to getting your quiet teen to open up is to engage them with open-ended questions, practice conversations regularly, and create a non-judgmental environment.
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