Friendship has never come easily to me. As a child, I struggled to form connections, and as an adult, I hoped it would improve, but it never did. I often found myself perplexed: why was it hard for others to like me? Why couldn’t I maintain long-lasting friendships? Was this just a phase of life in my teens and early twenties? I experienced a whirlwind of negative emotions but never considered that I might just be a subpar friend.
After countless disappointments, I began to reflect on why I seemed to be the only one unable to forge lasting friendships. Looking back at my earlier relationships, the truth became evident—I was indeed not the best friend.
Unintentional Lousiness
I met Claire in college, and we bonded over shared experiences at our workplace. We enjoyed commiserating about frustrating bosses and navigating tumultuous relationships. However, things took a turn when I started prioritizing my boyfriend over our friendship. I became that friend who often canceled plans, and looking back, I realize how inconsiderate I was.
Then there was Jenna, my close friend for nearly ten years. She supported me through significant life events and was practically family. But everything changed when she confided in me about her abusive long-term boyfriend—someone I had never liked. Instead of being the supportive friend she needed, I got caught up in my anger for her situation, neglecting to simply listen and be there for her. Now, years later, she has never met my children.
I thought my protective instincts were justified, but I failed to ask what Jenna truly needed. That was a clear sign of my inadequacy as a friend.
A Smaller, Stronger Circle
Today, my friendships look drastically different. It’s not that the nature of friendships has changed; rather, I have. The saying “it’s not you, it’s me” rings true in my case. True friendship is not about selectively being there; it’s about unwavering support through all of life’s ups and downs.
I’ve learned that my three closest friends are the ones who have stood by me through thick and thin. We celebrate each other’s joys and provide comfort during hardships. However, it’s essential to balance support without allowing friends to take advantage. Genuine friendship requires commitment, compassion, and active listening, which greatly diminishes the chances of being a lousy friend or losing those we cherish.
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In summary, forming and maintaining friendships is a journey that often requires self-reflection and growth. By prioritizing true connection and understanding, we can cultivate meaningful relationships that stand the test of time.
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