I recognize that you may believe I am overly lenient with my child. I’ve caught your disapproving glances, and I realize you think that a firm hand is all my child needs. I get it—if I were in your shoes, I might think the same way. But my perspective is different, shaped by experiences you may not fully comprehend.
My child struggles with a mood disorder, requiring a significant amount of medication just to make it through daily life. For the first decade of his existence, he was consumed with proving a point: “You can’t control me.” In my effort to assert authority, I often made mistakes by trying to establish that, “I am indeed in charge!” It’s a common belief that parents should be the ones in control, but things became more complex when I started to understand the nuances of parenting a child with a mood disorder.
The Limits of Control
There are many aspects of my child’s condition that I cannot control. I cannot compel his brain to function normally or stop it from distorting minor issues into major crises. This limitation is akin to expecting a child in a wheelchair to simply stand up and walk. The only thing I can manage is my response to the situations we face, which may not align with traditional views of discipline.
Redefining Discipline
Discipline should be about teaching, not merely enforcing rules. The term “discipline” originates from the Latin word disciplina, which emphasizes instruction and learning. This understanding prompted me to reflect on a crucial question: If there’s no learning happening, is it truly discipline, or am I just exerting my will over a child with a disability? Even children dealing with challenging conditions deserve an approach that acknowledges their struggles.
While you might not always perceive it, I actively work to discipline my child. I strive to instill critical thinking and an understanding of cause and effect. However, there are moments when his emotions escalate to the point of irrationality, making it impossible for him to think clearly. In such instances, meaningful learning cannot occur.
A Real-Life Example
Take yesterday, for instance. He had ordered a new Nerf gun, only to come home to an email notifying him of a shipment delay. For most children, this would be a minor setback, but for mine, it was the tipping point. He became overwhelmed and insisted we order another one. I tried to explain why that wouldn’t solve the problem, but he was beyond rational thought. So I placed the order. It seemed trivial, but denying his request wouldn’t have resulted in any lesson—it would have only worsened the situation for him and his siblings.
Prioritizing Peace Over Strict Discipline
My primary goal is to teach my son how to navigate the complexities of life. Yet when I recognize that he has reached a point of emotional distress where he cannot think logically, I prioritize maintaining peace over strict discipline. If you see me as a parent lacking in discipline, I understand your perspective, but it’s important to know that my approach is shaped by different circumstances. I’m doing my best with the hand I’ve been dealt.
Valuable Resources
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Conclusion
In summary, while it may appear that I’m indulgent, my parenting philosophy is rooted in a deep understanding of my child’s unique challenges. I aim to foster learning rather than merely impose discipline.
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