Feb. 16, 2022
Growing up in a household where discussions about sexuality were non-existent left me in a sea of confusion for many years. Conversations about desire and pleasure were rarely, if ever, brought up. It seemed like the only purpose of sex was to please my partner and to reproduce. I’m definitely rolling my eyes at those outdated notions!
For a long time, I struggled to comprehend the nature of sexuality. Was it tied to my allure? Was it about the physical act itself, or was it related to who I found attractive? The truth is, I’ve never been the kind of person who sees someone and immediately feels a desire for intimacy. Was there something wrong with me? Spoiler alert: Absolutely not. I simply identify as demisexual.
The realization that demisexuality is centered on the necessity of an emotional connection before physical attraction was a revelation. The more I delved into this concept, the more it challenged everything I had previously believed about my sexuality.
Demisexuality: More Than Just a Label
For me, demisexuality means that I require a strong emotional bond to feel any desire. Growing up, I viewed sexuality in stark terms; there was no room for nuance. I never connected my need for deep emotional ties to my sexual identity. While some people find sexual attraction to be instinctual, I often find sex to be an afterthought—something I can easily forgo if there isn’t a genuine emotional connection.
According to Very Well Mind, those who identify as demisexual cannot feel attraction to individuals unless they share an emotional bond or have a deeper understanding of one another. Yes! It all started to click into place. I realized I often prefer self-pleasure over engaging with someone I don’t feel connected to. Had I always felt this way without the vocabulary to express it?
As therapist Leo Carter points out, establishing a safe, non-judgmental space is crucial for exploring our sexual identities. This exploration is essential for understanding what our sexuality means to us.
Let’s Normalize Conversations About Sexuality
Engaging in discussions about sexuality is vital. The consequences of keeping this subject taboo are well-known: confusion, guilt, and shame surrounding a fundamental aspect of our humanity.
Embracing my demisexuality has clarified my interactions with others. I share this journey to inspire you to embrace your own sexuality without fear. There’s no right or wrong way to navigate this; it’s about living authentically.
Leaving shame and guilt behind has allowed me to fully explore my identity. Nearly two decades later, I can confidently embrace my demisexuality. The core message I want you to take away is simple: Live your life unapologetically.
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Summary
In this article, Clara Simmons shares her journey of discovering her demisexuality, breaking free from the confusion and stigma surrounding sexuality. She emphasizes the importance of emotional connections in her experiences and advocates for open conversations about sexual identity. Through her story, she aims to empower others to embrace their unique sexual orientations.
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