Finding Time for One-on-One Connection
Carve out special moments together, whether it’s sharing a pack of Oreos for an hour of undivided attention.
By Jenna Moore
March 17, 2022
As we navigate through the JetBlue terminal at JFK with our matching rolling bags, my twelve-year-old looks at me, beams, and says, “Mom, we’ve never had a trip just the two of us before!” We’re heading to Los Angeles, just my son and I.
This trip idea sparked from a dreary winter morning when I saw my son shuffle towards the school bus, his hood pulled tight, and shoulders drooping. In that moment, it hit me: the spark in him was dimming, and I hadn’t noticed until it was almost too late.
I had been preoccupied with video calls from my eldest at college, helping my high schooler with study plans, and driving my youngest to her sports practices. Meanwhile, my laid-back child, who could easily entertain himself for hours on Roblox, was left to his own devices. On weekends, my spouse and I were just relieved to have made it through another week of pandemic chaos, often collapsing on the couch or diving into books. The house was quiet; no one was crying or arguing. Sounds good, right?
But it wasn’t. I confess this with a tinge of guilt but no judgment — we did what we needed to survive these past years. However, it was time for a change. He needed more of our attention.
When my second child was seven, I noticed he was getting lost in the whirlwind of a busy family with four kids. So, I made a deliberate effort to give him more focus. That week, I surprised him with Oreos at the bus stop and stayed to watch his entire soccer practice. As we walked home, he asked, “Mom, what’s up? First, Oreos, then you stay for practice? Is it a special day?”
That moment taught me a vital parenting lesson: it doesn’t take much to make a child feel valued.
My experience with my older child also showed me that it’s never too late to bring attention back to a child who feels overlooked. It’s easy to get caught up in guilt for not prioritizing them sooner, but we need to remember that it’s fixable. Simply acknowledging to our kids that they’ve been overlooked is incredibly powerful. It makes them feel validated—not only by admitting our missteps (which kids appreciate) but also by taking steps to make it right.
How can we ensure one child feels special amidst the many demands of a busy home?
In the past, I felt immense pressure to create elaborate experiences, but the reality is that kids don’t require grand gestures. We can’t always whisk a child away on a cross-country trip, nor do we have to. What they really want is our full attention without having to compete for it. Here are my top three tips for families in a similar situation looking to shift their focus.
Time Alone Matters More Than Disney
I pondered whether to take my youngest to Los Angeles alone or to bring both him and his sister to Disney World since they had never been. I let my son choose, and his sole question was, “Which trip will I get you all to myself?” Disney didn’t matter if it meant sharing my focus.
It’s Not About the Big Gesture
While I went all out for our trip to LA, using some leftover travel funds from the past couple of years, I was reminded that kids don’t need extravagant experiences. Often, it’s the feeling of being acknowledged (like bringing Oreos at pickup) and receiving focused love (like attending soccer practice) that matters most.
Don’t Assume You Know What They Value Most
We explored all the sights in LA — Universal Studios, Santa Monica Pier, and indulged in In-N-Out Burger while catching up with family and friends. At the end of our trip, I asked my son what his favorite moments were. He replied: sharing a bento box with me, visiting his baby cousin, and having a sleepover with his camp buddy. Not the rides, not the blue raspberry slushie, and not even “animal style” fries—just simple moments that connected him to those he loves.
While returning to New York, my son turned to me with a big grin, squeezed my hand, and said, “This was the best weekend I’ve had in four years.” I smiled back, cherishing the fact that I had nothing else to do but hold his hand.
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Summary
In our busy family lives, it’s crucial to ensure that quieter children don’t feel overshadowed. Simple gestures of love and focused time can make a profound impact. Whether through a special trip or small acts of attention, it’s essential to acknowledge our kids’ needs and foster connections that help them feel valued.
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