Should You and Your Partner Consider Sleeping Separately? Insights from Recent Studies
Think back to the rare glimpses of Lucy and Ricky’s bedroom on I Love Lucy. If you’re like most viewers, the first thing you noticed were those perfectly made twin beds, positioned side by side as if for children. Did they alternate beds for intimacy (“Shall we choose your bed or mine, darling?”), or did they unite them for special occasions—and if so, did anyone ever fall through the gap?
While Lucy and Ricky’s divided sleeping arrangement was more about meeting 1950s television standards than a preferred lifestyle, the concept of sleeping separately has quietly made its way into many couples’ lives—and it’s more common than you might think. A 2004 survey from the National Sleep Foundation revealed that about one in four couples (23%) opt for separate sleeping arrangements. A more recent survey by FiveThirtyEight.com in 2014 found that around 13.6% of couples sleep apart each night, with an additional 4.3% doing so a few times monthly. Interestingly, today’s couples who sleep separately usually do so in distinct rooms, rather than side-by-side beds.
So, what’s behind this trend? And if so many couples find happiness in sleeping apart, should you consider it too?
There are various reasons couples find it challenging to share a bed, ranging from differing preferences for temperature to having a partner who sleeps with a lot of movement. However, the leading reason cited for sleeping separately is snoring, with 45.6% of couples identifying this as their primary issue. Dr. Emily Carter, a sleep expert at Sleepfoundation.org, suggests that if partners have different sleeping habits, such as varying schedules, temperature preferences, or health concerns, then establishing a separate sleeping environment for at least seven hours can be a reasonable choice.
Despite this, many couples experience an irrational fear of sleeping apart, associating it with weakened intimacy or even the beginning of a decline in their romantic relationship. Yet experts argue that these fears are based more on societal beliefs than scientific evidence. In a TED blog essay, sleep specialist Dr. Wendy M. Troxel notes, “The significance attached to sharing a bed is largely a socially constructed notion, not grounded in science.” In fact, studies indicate that sleeping next to another person can often lead to poorer quality sleep. We frequently prioritize closeness over quality rest, which can be counterproductive, especially considering research that links inadequate sleep to relationship problems and highlights how improved sleep can enhance communication and overall positivity.
Dr. Carter emphasizes, “When one partner is sleep-deprived, it affects both individuals. The one who is under-rested will likely be irritable and moody, impacting the other partner’s well-being.”
Anecdotal evidence from couples who sleep apart suggests they experience greater happiness. Last fall, a survey on Buzzfeed asked individuals who sleep separately to share their experiences and its effect on their intimacy. One individual remarked, “We haven’t noticed any negative emotional impacts. We’re closer than we’ve ever been.” Another added, “Intimacy isn’t an issue. We are both better people after a good night’s sleep.” Dr. Carter insightfully notes that chronic fatigue has a far more detrimental effect on intimacy than sleeping apart: “A tired partner is usually less interested in intimacy if they’re not getting enough rest.”
One respondent in that Buzzfeed article wisely remarked that what couples do during the day holds more significance than how they sleep at night. “Do what makes you comfortable, and if you feel distant, change how you connect when you’re awake.” Dr. Carter also offers valuable advice: “Quality sleep is essential—it’s not a luxury; it’s necessary. Poor sleep contributes to relationship discord. In essence, good sleep correlates with a better life and a stronger relationship.”
If you’re intrigued by this topic, you may also find our post on home insemination interesting. For expert resources on artificial insemination, check out Make a Mom for their comprehensive kits. Additionally, the NHS offers excellent information on IVF and related procedures.
Potential Search Queries:
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Summary:
Sleeping separately may seem unconventional, but research shows that many couples find greater happiness and better sleep quality by choosing this arrangement. Concerns about intimacy often stem from societal pressures rather than scientific evidence. Improved sleep quality can enhance communication and relationship satisfaction, making it a viable option for couples struggling with sleep compatibility.
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