It seems like the new Pixar film, Turning Red, was crafted specifically for me. I have always felt like a red panda, someone who could readily express intense emotions. Throughout my childhood, I had no trouble voicing my feelings, whether it was anger or frustration. I didn’t need to physically transform into a red panda; I lived in that heightened emotional state every day.
In the movie, 13-year-old Mei Mei undergoes a transformation into a giant red panda, representing two pivotal aspects of growing up: the physical changes of puberty and the overwhelming emotions that often accompany the tween and teen years. While it’s exciting to see puberty represented in animation, the director, Lily Chen’s, take on the intricate emotional landscape of adolescence really struck a chord with me.
I was always expressive, emotional, and sensitive. Even before hitting puberty, my intense feelings—hurt, anger, frustration—were impossible to conceal. My feelings were evident in my expressions, body language, and, if that wasn’t enough, I would voice them directly. Bottling things up was never an option for me.
Did this make parenting me a breeze? Not quite. Did my teachers appreciate my outspoken nature? A common comment on my report cards was “Alex needs to raise her hand less.” Was it always easy to be my friend? Not necessarily. As I grew older, I learned how to channel my inner red panda for good: advocating for myself, standing up for others, and leading on the sports field. My red panda was still there, but she evolved.
Then I became a parent to a daughter, the sole girl among three brothers. She, too, was born a red panda. There was no suppressing her spirited nature or her opinions. She yelled on the soccer field, debated with teachers, and showcased her sharp humor with friends. I worry that her vibrant spirit might be overshadowed as she navigates adolescence. I managed to avoid that struggle, but will she?
Having already learned to manage my own red panda, I find her big feelings often remind me of my past—some memories are positive, while others are not. When it comes to supporting my daughter in keeping her red panda, I know I must first reflect on my own behaviors. I strive to remember a few critical points that help me validate her emotions without dismissing them:
- Avoid telling her to “calm down” or “it’s not that serious.”
- Offer a simple acknowledgment: “I’m really sorry. That’s tough.”
- Resist the urge to solve every issue, be it with a sibling, teacher, or friend.
- Ask if she would like some company, a hug, or some space.
For nearly a decade, I have been helping girls of all ages articulate their complex emotions, both on and off the sports field. Society often tells girls to be “nice,” leaving little room for expressing frustration or sadness. As noted by Tara Williams, author of The Challenge of the Good Girl, if girls don’t learn to articulate their feelings constructively, those emotions can manifest in unhealthy ways.
We don’t want our girls to suppress their pain, disappointment, or anger; that leads to secrecy and shame. Instead, we want them to communicate their feelings openly, even when it makes us uncomfortable. We aim to build a trusting relationship where they feel safe sharing their emotions. Rather than fearing our daughters’ inner red pandas, we should teach them how to embrace and manage them.
For more insights on navigating emotional complexities and parenting, check out this related blog post here. Additionally, for those interested in home insemination, Make a Mom offers a comprehensive guide. Furthermore, the CDC provides excellent resources on pregnancy and home insemination.
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