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Written by Lila Chen
Updated: February 20, 2024
Originally Published: March 22, 2022
Embracing the journey to parenthood represents a significant shift and transformation, and I find myself feeling hesitant.
Most people assume that children’s book authors write primarily for kids. My debut work, Let’s Do Everything and Nothing, features a mother and daughter embarking on thrilling adventures. They scale mountains, plunge into the ocean’s depths, and at day’s end, they savor the quiet joy of being at home together.
However, I penned this book largely for my own reflection. While I cherish representing people of color in outdoor activities, and portraying a Taiwanese American household is a nod to my life, my motivations run deeper.
As an adventurous, child-free woman nearing my late 30s, I’ve reveled in the wild escapades that fill the first half of my book. A few years ago, I found my counterpart in a man named Ethan, who dreams of all-you-can-eat buffets, cruises, and beach vacations. Personally, I’d rather save those experiences for when my body can no longer climb mountains. With such differing interests, we agreed to alternate our plans.
Yet, my passion for adventure often overshadowed our trip planning. Ethan has endured many early morning hikes, climbing excursions, and steep learning curves. He bravely tackled these type-2 fun experiences (challenging at the moment but rewarding later) until he hit type-3 territory (not enjoyable at all, even in hindsight) when he discovered he was prone to altitude sickness. By our fourth ascent of a 14,000-foot peak, he was proactively taking diamox to alleviate the severe headaches and nausea. In return, I spent a week lounging on a beach in Cabo with him.
Nowadays, our outings resemble pleasant strolls with our dog followed by delicious meals. Over time, I’ve realized I prefer enjoying simple moments with Ethan instead of grand adventures without him, and surprisingly, those Vegas buffets are better than I anticipated. After these insights, I wrote this book and we shared it with friends and family during our wedding ceremony. I read the adventurous first part, and he read the quieter second half.
However, one significant difference remains between us: the concept of parenthood. I took considerable time to reflect on the possibility of becoming a mother, but when I finally decided to try, fear gripped me. The thought of motherhood threatens my identity as a capable and active woman. What if I undergo a transformation that makes me unrecognizable? I worry about the changes to my body, career, and my whole life. I’ve witnessed friends face heartbreaking miscarriages and other challenges, and it leaves me feeling apprehensive. This is one journey I’m uncertain I’ll ever feel prepared for.
In contrast, Ethan is enthusiastic about the prospect of fatherhood. He often expresses envy for stay-at-home dads and shows an affection for our dog that sometimes makes me uncomfortable. When he tenderly arranges her dog bed for maximum comfort, I can’t help but scoff. Yet, I adore this side of him. I’m married to someone who embodies qualities I admire but don’t possess—softness, nurturing, and patience. Someone who finds joy in simply being at home with loved ones. Perhaps one day, we’ll share a mix of both everything and nothing together as a family.
About the Author
Lila Chen is a Taiwanese-American author and illustrator based in Seattle. She has taught illustration at Columbia College Chicago and Washington University in St. Louis. She played a visual role in Chicago’s 2017 March for Science and has been an artist-in-residence at Banff Centre for the Arts. Currently, she is a recipient of the Gray Center Mellon Collaborative Fellowship at the University of Chicago.
Further Reading
For more insights on navigating the journey to parenthood, check out this related article and learn from experts at Make a Mom. Additionally, the Genetics and IVF Institute provides valuable resources about pregnancy and home insemination.
Potential Search Queries
- Preparing for parenthood
- Navigating fears about parenting
- What to expect when having kids
- Finding balance in parenthood
- Exploring alternative family planning
Summary
The author reflects on her journey toward motherhood, revealing the apprehension and transformations that accompany this significant life change. While she grapples with the fear of losing her identity, her husband embraces the idea of parenthood with enthusiasm. The narrative explores the balance of their differing interests and the potential for shared experiences as a family in the future.
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