Navigating the College Journey with My Teen: A Wedding-Planning Flashback

Unwanted Anxiety

Embarking on the college application process with my teenager brings back memories of wedding planning—complete with the stress and unsolicited advice.

Just like the moment you get engaged and everyone is eager to know, “When’s the wedding?” the same happens when friends discover you have a high school junior or senior: “What colleges are they considering?” Both inquiries are perfectly natural, and I find myself asking them too because I enjoy discussing weddings and am curious about my friends’ college choices. However, as I witness good friends planning their weddings while my teen is inundated with college brochures, I realize the anxiety I feel about guiding him through college applications resembles wedding-planning PTSD.

The Cycle of Crazy Thoughts

Every bride envisions a serene planning experience, and every parent hopes to stay calm during the college application phase. Oh, the irony! I’ve often told friends, “Limit your child to ten applications!” Yet here I am, with my son’s list surpassing fifteen schools. I oscillate between “I won’t stress about this” to “OMG, I’m freaking out!” In my quest for support, I hired a college advisor, which feels akin to having a wedding planner. When he provided a list of schools, I found myself suggesting alternatives. Some of my emails to him are… rants, to be honest. I seem to be paying him to manage my anxiety.

Getting a Head Start

In January, a memory popped up on my phone: a college tour with my eldest. Instead of nostalgia, I felt sheer panic. I realized I was behind with my second child! He’s only toured one college, and here I am frantically searching for tours to schedule over spring break. What was I thinking, waiting until spring to explore colleges when he should apply this November? It felt eerily similar to rushing to secure a wedding venue before Valentine’s Day.

Opinions Galore

When my partner and I eloped, some insisted I’d regret it. I never did. Similarly, when I mentioned my eldest was interested in large universities, people were quick to suggest small liberal arts colleges instead. Why? Because they’re the opposite of what we want? With my son, when I mention a few colleges, I get comments like, “I hope he enjoys snow if he chooses that one” or “Oh, my nephew went there and hated it.” Thanks for the encouraging words!

The Financial Reality

Weddings can be incredibly expensive, and at some point, you have to set limits. For me, it was deciding between flowers and favors at the reception, with flowers winning out. College expenses can be just as daunting; some families can afford it, while others cut corners. In the end, no one should deplete their retirement finances for their child’s education.

The Bigger Picture

Ultimately, a wedding is merely the start of a marriage, and a college choice doesn’t define a person’s future. What truly matters is what they pursue afterward, whether it aligns with expectations or takes an unexpected turn. I remind myself of this as I prepare for my son’s SAT.

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Summary

The article highlights the parallels between wedding planning and navigating the college application process with a teenager. It discusses the stress, external pressures, and the importance of maintaining a broader perspective on both experiences, ultimately focusing on the significance of the journey beyond the event itself.