A conversation I had with a friend highlighted the contrasting nature of our daily responsibilities. While I was a stay-at-home mom, my friend held a prominent position at a high-profile advertising agency, known for his title that sounded something like “Director of Creative Brand Synergy.” I was curious about what that entailed.
“I oversee creative brand synergy,” he clarified.
“Can you break that down for me?” I inquired.
“I facilitate creative brand synergy,” he replied with a hint of annoyance.
“Okay, but what does your day look like from the moment you arrive at the office until 6 p.m.?” I pressed on, simplifying my inquiry.
“I send emails,” he admitted.
“And what about you?” he asked.
“I clean things,” I answered.
Motherhood comes with various labels: homemaker, domestic engineer, full-time parent, or work-at-home mom. Regardless of the title, the core responsibilities often boil down to cleaning.
To be fair, cleaning isn’t the sole task; there is also scrubbing, folding, sweeping, and organizing. Yet, if I scrutinize my daily activities, it’s undeniable that I function primarily as a cleaning lady.
This realization is challenging because cleaning isn’t my favorite activity. I loathe chores that require constant repetition—like doing the dishes or laundry, or even grooming, which often leaves me feeling as though I just went through the motions a day earlier.
The arrival of a baby brings numerous surprises: the intensity of labor, the financial burden of childcare, and the unsolicited advice about dressing your newborn. However, the most astonishing aspect, which no one warned me about, was the drastic increase in cleaning responsibilities. While I would rate the workload increase as nearly ten times what it was before, I’m not sure of the exact term for that.
Before children, my husband and I approached chores casually, washing a few dishes each night and deep-cleaning only when the grime became unbearable. However, after having kids, each meal feels akin to a disaster zone. Breakfast often resembles a battlefield where toast crusts serve as ammunition, and sticky jam decorates the ceiling fan. We end up using an absurd quantity of dishes, cutting boards, and utensils for what should be a simple meal.
The cycle of dirty dishes seems never-ending. In the early days of being a stay-at-home mom, I would joke about the myth of Sisyphus, saying, “Do you know who Sisyphus’ wife was? Dishyphus. While he was out conquering the world with his rock, she was at home scrubbing egg remnants from the frying pan.” Then I would often find myself in tears, prompting my husband to suggest we reassess how we divided household responsibilities.
Even with both of us tackling cleaning duties, the workload feels infinite. It takes nearly all day for us to manage the chaos created by our children. One child is notorious for cutting tiny bits of paper that are too small to pick up by hand but too large for the vacuum. Another has turned the door into a canvas for marker doodles. Shoes and bags litter the hallway, creating a veritable obstacle course that I simply kick my way through, weary of asking the kids to tidy up their belongings.
When new mothers leave the hospital post-delivery, they should receive an essential kit of microfiber cloths, rags, and paper towels. Alongside breastfeeding and infant care classes, a tutorial on housekeeping should be mandatory, emphasizing that while some aspects of motherhood may be temporary, the need for constant cleaning is a lifelong commitment.
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In summary, the transition to motherhood comes with unexpected challenges, primarily the overwhelming volume of cleaning and upkeep that seems to multiply with each child. While the joy of parenting is immense, the relentless nature of chores can feel like a never-ending cycle.
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