I'm a Mother with an Autoimmune Condition: Every Day is Unpredictable

As a mother, the feeling of inadequacy often looms large. This sense of not measuring up is fueled by societal standards, curated social media feeds, and perfectly staged Pinterest boards. We are bombarded with unrealistic portrayals of what motherhood should entail. Now, imagine carrying an additional, invisible burden: an autoimmune disease that complicates even the simplest parenting tasks. Living as a mom with an autoimmune disorder feels like running a race in reverse.

The Unpredictability of Motherhood

For mothers like me, there are no “typical days.” You can organize a detailed to-do list the night before, but the reality is you have to be prepared for anything. A sudden flare-up can completely change your plans. Perhaps your joints ache, your digestive system is in turmoil, or your energy levels are dangerously low, leaving you feeling dizzy and unsteady. The dreams of an outing to the park or a trip to the climbing gym dissipate, and you find yourself explaining to your eager child that today isn’t feasible. Their disappointed expression stings as they exclaim, “I hate your autoimmune disease!” You hold back tears, trying to convey that this isn’t a choice or something you can control, but it’s a concept too abstract for them to grasp. The guilt and shame quickly set in. This isn’t the mom you imagined being—the one who constantly has to cancel plans and reschedule commitments. You aspired to be the adventurous mom, always ready for fun.

Facing the Inner Critic

As the feelings of shame spiral, the inner critic often resurfaces, echoing voices of those who have misunderstood your condition. “You’re just not trying hard enough!” “Have you considered a celery juice cleanse?” “I push through with my autoimmune issues!” “Are you sure it’s not all in your head?” “You look perfectly healthy!” “When I was a mom, I never had ‘sick days’!” Occasionally, these voices win, and you attempt to push through, but it usually leads to a prolonged flare-up, reminding you that you must listen to your body.

Learning Self-Compassion

Over time, I’ve learned the importance of being gentle with myself. I’ve become adept at recognizing the signs of an impending flare-up, allowing me to slow down and prioritize self-care. Focusing on my physical health led me to a gym with childcare and an anti-inflammatory diet. For my mental wellbeing, I sought a therapist who understands the unique challenges of motherhood paired with autoimmune struggles. I also prioritize emotional health by scheduling regular dinners with friends.

While guilt and shame occasionally resurface, I no longer let them dictate my actions. When I choose to rest, I recognize it as a necessary act of self-love. My autoimmune disease is an uninvited partner in life, but one I’m learning to live with and accept.

Empathy and Growth

As the years go by, my child grows more empathetic and understanding. They no longer resent my autoimmune disease; instead, they recognize the challenges it presents. Through this journey, they have learned that everyone faces invisible battles. They carry a compassion that many adults lack and have witnessed the strength it takes to accept oneself, flaws included. What more profound lesson could a mother teach her child?

Resources for Further Learning

If you’re interested in learning more about home insemination, check out this helpful blog post. For those seeking to boost fertility, Make a Mom offers valuable resources. Additionally, the NHS provides excellent information about pregnancy and home insemination.

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Conclusion

In summary, being a mother with an autoimmune disease presents unique challenges that require resilience, adaptability, and self-compassion. While the journey is filled with difficult moments, it also fosters growth, understanding, and empathy in both the mother and child.