April 4, 2022
I don’t take a hard stance on many aspects of parenting. As I navigate this challenging journey, I prefer to acknowledge the different paths others take and move forward without judgment. However, I have a strong belief about one thing: the importance of thank you notes. If someone does something kind for me, they will receive a note expressing my gratitude. I am teaching my children that this practice is an essential part of being courteous and gracious.
I can almost hear the groans of many readers as I express this belief. Over the last few decades, the tradition of sending handwritten thank you notes has declined significantly, and I feel that our society has suffered for it.
As an only child in the ’80s and ’90s and the sole grandchild for quite some time, I was showered with gifts from loving family members. My parents, wanting to counter the stereotype of the “spoiled only child,” insisted I write thank you notes. After celebrations like birthdays and holidays, I’d sit at the table, pen in hand, writing to all who had given me gifts.
Did I always enjoy the process? Not at all; I was more eager to play with my new toys. But looking back, I am incredibly grateful my parents instilled this habit in me. I might even send them a thank you note to express my appreciation.
Research has shown a strong link between gratitude and happiness. I believe that teaching children to pause and reflect on what they are grateful for fosters a mindset that appreciates the kindness of others. I notice thoughtful gestures around me daily: the stranger holding the door, the teacher supporting my child, or a friend bringing flowers to my gathering. Maintaining a grateful perspective helps me navigate life’s challenges, and I attribute much of that outlook to my upbringing.
My partner and I established a clear thank you note policy for our kids. We have found effective methods to implement this tradition. For instance, when someone gives a birthday present—whether they are present during the opening or not—a thank you note is mandatory. During the holiday season, all gift-givers receive a note, even if they didn’t witness the unwrapping. Even spontaneous gifts deserve a thank you note!
When our children were younger, we would write the notes on their behalf, encouraging them to draw pictures for the gift-givers. Now that they are older, we provide them with fun stationery and unique stamps, making the process creative and enjoyable. They have been accustomed to this practice since infancy and now embrace it without resistance. They understand that expressing gratitude is just part of our family culture.
After events when our children receive multiple gifts, I keep a running list on the refrigerator to ensure no one is overlooked when it’s time to write their notes. As a result, our seven-year-old enjoys writing to relatives afar and often hands me cards to mail.
While writing thank you notes may be time-consuming and may require extra effort, especially with young children, I believe the rewards outweigh the challenges. When did we decide that acknowledging others’ generosity wasn’t worth the time?
Writing thank you notes provides my kids with essential writing practice while also encouraging them to reflect on the joy they received from gifts or kind gestures. It also brightens the day of those who were generous to them. I worry that neglecting this expression of gratitude can lead to a sense of entitlement, which I want to avoid for my children.
Some may prefer a quick text or picture of their child with a gift as a thank you, but those alternatives don’t resonate with me. Our family will continue to send heartfelt thank you notes whenever the occasion calls for it. I hope this habit carries into their adult lives, shaping their perspective on the world, and reminding them that kindness should always be noticed, and gratitude is worth pursuing.
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In summary, teaching children to write thank you notes fosters gratitude, kindness, and a sense of appreciation for others. This tradition not only enhances their writing skills but also cultivates a positive outlook on life.
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