Should I Consider Divorce? 10+ Indicators It May Be Time, According to Experts

When Is It Time to End Your Marriage? Experts Share Over 10 Signs Your Relationship Might Be Beyond Repair

By Jenna Collins
Updated: Aug. 11, 2022
Originally Published: April 20, 2022

Ending a relationship is undeniably challenging, which is why so many songs explore the theme of breakups and divorces. Even when a separation is amicable, the emotional toll can be significant, often leading individuals to hesitate in making the decision to end their marriage, even when they know it’s necessary. This can leave you pondering, “Should I get a divorce?”

Many from older generations advise younger couples to fix what’s broken instead of giving up. While this guidance holds some merit—since relationships require considerable effort—there are times when issues become insurmountable. Recognizing when it may be best to leave can be a painful process.

Determining whether to divorce is an intensely personal decision. However, experts have identified several signs that may indicate your relationship is no longer salvageable. If you’ve found yourself frequently questioning, “When is it time to get a divorce?” here are some factors to consider.

Indicators It May Be Time for Divorce, According to Experts

You Avoid Your Partner
Relationship expert Rachel Smith emphasizes that a clear sign of impending divorce is a growing psychological distance from your partner. You might notice yourself:
- Ignoring their presence
- Avoiding places they frequent
- Feeling anxious or uncomfortable around them
- Dreading conversations with them
A lack of intimacy—emotional or physical—can often lead to significant relationship issues, as noted by a 2020 study showing nearly 50% of couples cited it as a reason for divorce.
You’ve Stopped Making an Effort
Relationships thrive on mutual effort. If you find yourself or your partner lacking motivation to improve your relationship, it may be a sign that you’re heading toward separation. “Marriage is a two-way street,” says Smith. If both partners aren’t putting in the necessary work, it may be time to consider other options.
Every Interaction Becomes a Major Issue
While ups and downs are normal, an ongoing pattern of negativity can signal deeper issues. Award-winning attorney Lisa Carter points out that if conflicts overshadow the good moments and simple disagreements escalate into major arguments, it’s time to evaluate your relationship dynamics.
Your Life Together Feels Chaotic
When outside pressures—like financial strain or a partner’s constant absence—overwhelm your relationship, it can be difficult to regain balance. If the challenges seem insurmountable, stepping back to reassess may be necessary.
You’re Experiencing Abuse or Control
Experts unanimously agree that any form of abuse—be it physical, emotional, or verbal—is a clear reason for divorce. Recognizing controlling behaviors, such as isolation or manipulation, is crucial for your well-being.
Infidelity Has Occurred
Infidelity can either fracture a relationship beyond repair or serve as a turning point for growth, depending on the couple’s willingness to address the underlying issues. If both partners can’t move past the betrayal, it may signal the end.
Therapy Has Not Helped
For many couples, therapy can be a lifeline. However, if attempts at counseling fail to improve your relationship, it may be time to confront the reality that separation could be the healthiest path forward.
Financial Disagreements Are Common
Disputes over finances are a leading cause of relationship breakdowns. If you and your partner cannot calmly discuss money matters or consistently undermine each other’s financial decisions, it could create irreparable rifts.
Divergent Future Goals
When individual aspirations clash, resentment can build. If one partner feels stifled in pursuing their goals, it can lead to disappointment and bitterness within the marriage.
The “Four Horsemen” of Divorce
According to renowned psychologist John Gottman, certain communication patterns can predict divorce:
- Criticism: Attacking a partner’s character instead of addressing specific issues.
- Defensiveness: Reacting to perceived criticism with blame-shifting.
- Stonewalling: Withdrawing from conversations, making productive dialogue impossible.
- Contempt: Expressing disdain or scorn toward a partner, which can veer into emotional abuse.
While occasional instances of these behaviors are normal, consistent reliance on them can signal a failing relationship.

Moving Forward

Choosing to end your marriage is a significant, deeply personal decision with lasting emotional repercussions. Take the time you need to process your feelings and consider what comes next. Once you’re ready to proceed, research the practical steps involved in contacting a divorce attorney and understanding the process ahead.

For further insights, you can check out this related article to stay informed. If you’re considering family planning, Make A Mom is a reputable source for fertility products, while WomensHealth.gov provides excellent resources for pregnancy and home insemination.

Summary

Deciding to divorce can be one of the most challenging choices in life. Signs such as avoidance, lack of effort, constant conflict, feelings of chaos, abusive behavior, infidelity, ineffective therapy, financial disagreements, differing future goals, and detrimental communication patterns can all indicate it may be time to consider separation. Take your time to reflect on your relationship and the steps needed should you choose to move forward.