I’m Tired of Hearing “I’m Sorry” About My Autistic Child

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“I’m so sorry.” This is a phrase I’ve heard countless times from well-meaning parents at the playground when discussing children with autism. It stings, especially since I identify as autistic and have worked as a speech-language pathologist with autistic children for over a decade. While the sentiment comes from a place of empathy, it often reflects a misunderstanding of what it means to be autistic. The underlying belief seems to be that being autistic somehow diminishes one’s humanity, suggesting that these children are incapable of enjoying life or being valued members of society. Other parents may not voice these thoughts, but I sense them lurking beneath the surface.

These misconceptions make it incredibly difficult for autistic children to be fully understood, included, and appreciated. It’s crucial to recognize that these parents aren’t malicious; they simply haven’t grasped the truth about autism. This needs to change. We all want to avoid causing harm.

Common Myths About Autism

Here are some common myths I’ve encountered about autism:

1. You don’t have to be a genius to be autistic. Let’s dispel the notion that autism is only represented by a white male savant. Sure, some individuals have exceptional skills, but they are just one part of a diverse spectrum. Autism encompasses individuals of all races, genders, and backgrounds, and it’s vital to appreciate the unique qualities of each autistic person.
2. Autistic individuals are not defined by their diagnosis. Autism is an identity and a disability, not a disease. Many in the autistic community prefer to be called “autistic” rather than “a person with autism.” Respecting individual preferences is essential. If someone prefers the latter, then use it. It’s all about being considerate.
3. Autistic individuals can have social desires. Many people mistakenly believe that autistic children do not seek social connections. I remember working with a little boy who would excitedly flap his arms and smile when he saw me for therapy. He actively sought our bond, which disproves the stereotype that autistic individuals lack the desire for relationships. Yes, they may sometimes prefer solitude, but this doesn’t negate their wish for companionship.
4. Autistic individuals can be incredibly empathetic. I’ve seen firsthand how sensitive and caring autistic children can be. For instance, I once spoke with a mother whose autistic son approached another child who was upset on the playground, showing kindness and concern. This moment shattered the common misconception that autistic individuals lack empathy.
5. Communication is broader than just speech. It’s essential to recognize that nonspeaking individuals can still communicate effectively. Some autistic children may choose not to speak or may not yet be verbal, but that doesn’t mean they don’t have thoughts or feelings to share. Many use alternative forms of communication, like iPads or writing, to express themselves. We need to understand that verbal communication is just one way to connect.

If you’ve ever expressed sorrow upon learning of an autism diagnosis, that’s okay. It’s a common reaction, but now is the time to educate yourself and change your perspective. Embrace awareness, support autistic individuals, and foster curiosity without resorting to apologies.

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In summary, it’s crucial to break free from the damaging myths surrounding autism. Autistic individuals deserve to be recognized for who they are, and it’s our responsibility to foster understanding and acceptance.