When my son Alex and daughter Mia were infants, I vowed to create a safe haven for them at home. I believed that providing a calm and secure environment was paramount in my parenting journey.
However, things took a troubling turn when Alex, who is on the autism spectrum, began displaying aggressive behavior towards his younger sister. Diagnosed at five, Alex’s unpredictable nature has escalated over the years. Now nearly ten, he can act violently, often lashing out at Mia, who is just eight. In an instant, he can go from calm to explosive, attempting to hurt her in alarming ways, like pushing her down stairs or trying to strangle her.
As Alex’s aggression emerged, Mia transformed from a carefree, adventurous child into one riddled with anxiety. She became fearful of almost everything—crowds made her uncomfortable, loud sounds startled her, and she developed a deep fear of tornadoes, despite their rarity in our area. She even feared individuals using wheelchairs, convinced that proximity would lead her to share their ailments. Her worries compounded into physical symptoms like stomach aches, and she began to dread school, losing sleep over daily anxieties. Activities that once brought her joy, like riding horses, became sources of stress.
I began to suspect that Mia’s fears were deeply connected to Alex’s behavior; she simply didn’t feel safe at home. Managing Alex’s environment, educational needs, and services had become my full-time job, and in doing so, I realized I had inadvertently neglected Mia’s emotional health. It was clear she needed support.
Reaching out to her school for social-emotional testing was my first step. Over several weeks, Mia met with a school psychologist, completing various standardized tests designed to gauge her emotional responses to different scenarios. I also filled out comprehensive questionnaires detailing her anxiety levels. Once the assessments were analyzed, we planned to meet with the school team to devise an Individualized Education Plan (IEP) tailored to Mia’s needs.
When the school psychologist called to discuss the results, I braced myself for the worst. My instincts were confirmed—when asked what made her sad, Mia replied, “my brother.” She expressed to the therapist that her family “would be better without Alex,” and assigned colors to the people in her life, giving Alex a red rating, while her parents received green.
Research corroborated my concerns; siblings of children with autism often experience their needs being overlooked, leading to emotional distress that can manifest as physical ailments. Mia’s psychological report indicated her internalizing behaviors were “clinically significant,” reaffirming my need to focus on her well-being.
To help Mia, I sought a therapist for her, which proved challenging amidst the increased demand for mental health services post-COVID-19. I placed her on several waitlists and was flexible with scheduling, which allowed her to move off the lists faster than I anticipated. The key was to be as available as possible—limited time slots could hinder finding a good match.
When Alex was diagnosed with autism, I knew the road ahead would be complex, but I never anticipated the profound impact it would have on Mia. I wish I could offer a simple solution to the anxiety of having a sibling with ASD and erratic behavior. However, this experience has taught me to be vigilant about the needs of both children, ensuring neither is overlooked.
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Summary:
The article discusses the impact of autism on family dynamics, particularly how a mother navigates the challenges of her son’s aggressive behavior towards his sister. It highlights the emotional struggles faced by the sister and the steps taken to ensure both children receive the support they need.
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