I walked into my then 10-year-old daughter’s room to say goodnight, only to find her curled up on her pink polka dot duvet, crying uncontrollably. Her face was a mess—red and blotchy, with swollen eyelids. “Oh sweetheart, what’s the matter?” I asked, panic rising in my voice. She looked at me with wide eyes and said something I’ll never forget: “I don’t know! I can’t stop crying!” Just moments later, she was hiccuping loudly, then bursting into laughter, tears flowing for an entirely different reason. I handed her a glass of water and wrapped my arms around her, totally bewildered by what had just unfolded.
This was just one of many emotional episodes during her challenging tween years. Sometimes, her tears escalated into ear-piercing screams; other times, she’d ask me to lay beside her, holding her tight or singing softly. There was no predicting her moods, and while I was relieved when she could express how I could support her, the helplessness I felt when she couldn’t articulate her feelings was overwhelming. As I sat there, rubbing her back or stroking her hair, I longed for my own space, thinking about the glass of wine waiting for me or the new book on the coffee table. After a long day, I often felt drained and needed time to recharge, yet there she was, looking at me with tear-filled eyes, pleading for my presence. How could I leave her alone?
I recognized that her mood swings were a natural part of growing up. Having navigated my own hormonal roller coasters, I understood the unpredictability all too well: one moment I’m frustrated by my husband and the state of our home, and the next, it all makes sense when my period arrives. My poor daughter, not even a teenager, was grappling with the tumult of the estrogen coursing through her, and in turn, I felt somewhat bullied by her emotions. It was as if there was a hormonal hierarchy where she needed to vent her feelings onto someone, and I was the fortunate one. So what could I do? Abandon her to figure it out on her own? Absolutely not. Stay in her room until dawn? Not a chance. I had to strike a balance.
Four Key Strategies to Help Your Tween
I discovered four key strategies to help my daughter while also taking care of myself:
- Normalize: It’s important to convey to your child that experiencing intense emotions during their tween and teen years is completely normal. It can be frightening for them to cry without understanding why or to feel angry without a clear cause. These feelings may resurface during significant life changes in the future, so we must normalize them instead of demonizing them. Our role is to help our kids recognize that the hormonal changes they’re experiencing can lead to unpredictable emotions, but these feelings are temporary.
- Breathe: When emotions run high, helping our kids focus on their breath can aid in calming their minds. However, telling them to “take deep breaths” often leads to eye rolls. Instead, we can practice what psychologists call co-regulation: by modeling deep breathing ourselves, we create a calming environment that they may naturally adopt. Even if they don’t catch on, it will at least help us regain our composure amidst the chaos.
- Don’t Solve: Our instinct as parents is to fix our children’s sadness or anger, but when their feelings are influenced by hormonal changes, there’s often nothing to fix. Sometimes, the best approach is simply to sit with them in their discomfort. This may be an unsatisfying solution, but it’s essential to accept that as they navigate puberty, there will be many instances where we cannot fix things, and we must help them learn to cope with these emotions instead.
- Set Limits: This is crucial for our own well-being. I prefer the term self-preservation over self-care; it’s about survival. We need to establish boundaries around how much time and energy we can dedicate to these emotional moments. This is essential because every moment spent helping them is a moment we’re not recharging ourselves. Be specific about the time you can offer; otherwise, it can turn into endless negotiations. Setting limits could look like, “I will sit with you for 10 minutes, then I’m going to read my book. I’ll check on you in an hour.” (And then actually check back!) Or, “I’ll sing you two songs while I brush your hair, and then I’m going to watch my show. You choose the songs.”
And if all else fails, crank up some of your favorite tunes; it will either lift everyone’s spirits or prompt your kid to kick you out of her room!
For more insights on navigating these challenging times with your children, you can check out this post on home insemination ideas. It’s important to remember that emotional growth and understanding are part of the journey of parenting. Additionally, if you’re seeking authoritative information on insemination, visit Cryobaby’s home insemination kit. For further reading on pregnancy resources, check out News Medical.
Summary
Parenting a tween can be emotionally challenging, especially when their feelings are unpredictable. By normalizing their emotions, practicing deep breathing together, avoiding the urge to solve their problems, and setting clear limits, parents can support their children while also taking care of their own needs.
Leave a Reply