As a parent, you might have heard your teens mentioning something called a “promposal.” When my eldest child, Jake, was a freshman, he shared a story about a classmate who brought a metal sign to school, cleverly concealed under a jacket. At lunch, he revealed it to ask, “Will you go to prom with me?”
If you’re a parent of teens or have seen viral videos about these extravagant invitations, you know how much things have evolved since our school days, where a simple locker invitation or phone call sufficed. Nowadays, there’s an expectation to go all out, outshine others, and of course, everything must be documented for social media. If it’s not posted online, did it even happen? Many parents feel this is just part of the prom season norm.
I sensed that Jake wasn’t thrilled about the extravagant promposal trend, so I treaded lightly when discussing it. I asked him what he thought, and he didn’t hold back. “I think it’s really dumb. Why not just ask someone privately?” he said. I assured him he didn’t have to go overboard if he didn’t want to. I completely agree with him—there’s already enough pressure on teens to project confidence and perfection. It seems unreasonable to expect them to spend money and effort on elaborate promposals if they’re not comfortable with it.
Of course, if Jake wanted to create a grand gesture, I’d support him. But honestly, my kids prefer a low-key approach. They’d rather ask someone privately without the entire school watching their every move. With prom costs skyrocketing—dresses, suits, hair, makeup, dinner, after-parties—it’s a lot to handle without adding the stress of a showy invitation.
A friend of mine has a daughter, Lily, who’s been dating her boyfriend for two years. When I inquired about their prom plans, she replied, “I’m not sure if we’re going together.” I was surprised, thinking they might have broken up, but she clarified it was because he hadn’t proposed to her in the “right” way. She wanted him to paint “Will you go to prom with me” on his car and drive by her practice. Although he wanted to go with her, he wasn’t comfortable with that kind of display, which left their plans in limbo.
I can’t pinpoint when or why these elaborate proposals became a trend, but they seem more focused on public validation than genuine connection. Not every moment needs to be shared online. My kids are not interested in these grand gestures, and I appreciate that. I won’t pressure them into it just because others are doing it. I’ve watched parents spend a fortune on flowers and planning, trying to outdo each other. Personally, I had a simple experience when I asked a friend to prom while walking down the hall, and it was memorable without the fanfare.
While some teens may enjoy the excitement of a big promposal, many find it overwhelming. We need to remind our kids that the essence of prom is about the experience itself, not about curating the perfect social media moment.
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Summary
The trend of ‘promposals’ has evolved into extravagant displays that often leave teens feeling pressured. While some enjoy the idea of a grand invitation, many prefer a simple, private approach. It’s important for parents to support their teens’ preferences and remind them that prom should focus on the experience rather than social media validation.
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