Updated: Dec. 11, 2014
Originally Published: Dec. 28, 2010
My partner and I are parents to four children, which includes a set of triplets. This means we have one child who is six years old and three toddlers who are just three years old. As you can imagine, our household is as chaotic as you might expect. Fortunately, my partner and I make a great team. When you find yourself—let’s say, blessed—with triplets, going from one child to four children aged two and under, you learn quickly that collaboration is essential for survival.
It’s important to note that not all parents of multiples have the same experience; studies indicate that the divorce rate for such families can be as high as 75 to 80%. My partner, Ryan, and I strive to share parenting responsibilities as equally as possible. Since I only work two days a week, I end up spending more time with our children. As a result, I often take the lead when it comes to their day-to-day needs.
I regularly take the kids grocery shopping, prepare all their meals, ensure they are dressed appropriately for the weather, and make sure they maintain their hygiene. I also manage the nighttime disturbances when they cry. Ryan helps out when he can, but the bulk of these responsibilities usually falls on my shoulders.
However, there’s one weekend each month when I have to work. As a nurse, my shifts are 12 hours long, from 7 AM to 7 PM. On those Saturdays and Sundays, Ryan is left to care for the kids on his own.
During my last work weekend, Ryan decided to take the children to church since we had recently re-established that routine and they had finally overcome their anxiety about being left in Sunday school. I supported his decision and laid out their Sunday clothes and helped fix our daughter Mia’s hair before I left for work.
To be honest, I had my doubts about how he would manage, as I usually handle feeding the children, getting them dressed, packing snacks, and getting myself ready—all within the time it takes Ryan to shower and get dressed.
Later that day, when I called to check in, I learned that Ryan not only got the kids to church but also took them to visit his grandmother at the nursing home and even treated them to lunch. I hung up feeling a mix of emotions.
When a colleague noticed I was in a bad mood, I explained my feelings. “Ryan took the kids to church, his grandma’s, and out to lunch—and everything went smoothly,” I lamented. “The kids behaved perfectly; there were no meltdowns, no accidents in the store, no arguments—nothing! It all went off without a hitch.”
My colleague looked at me with a hint of sympathy and asked, “And what’s bothering you about that?”
I responded, “Well, now Ryan will give me that look when I share my own stories of chaos during outings with the kids. You know the look—like he’s thinking, ‘What’s your problem? Taking the kids out is easy.’ I just can’t stand it.”
“Isn’t that a bit unfair?” she inquired. “Do you want him to fail?”
I hesitated, realizing how that sounded. “Not exactly. That would be cruel. But I don’t want to face other mothers at church next week and hear how amazing Ryan is as a dad. I don’t want them to tell me he deserves a ‘super dad’ award. He just took the kids out—something I do almost every day. It’s not that big of a deal.”
“So, you want a gold star for yourself too?” she asked, smiling knowingly.
“Exactly!” I exclaimed, “Where’s my mother-effing gold star?”
In summary, parenting multiples can be an overwhelming task, but it’s essential to recognize the efforts of both partners. While the chaos often seems to fall on one parent, it’s vital to appreciate each other’s contributions, even when it feels like one is getting more credit for similar efforts.
For those exploring their own family journeys, consider resources on fertility and home insemination, such as this article on boosting fertility supplements or insights on navigating your couples’ fertility journey. For comprehensive details on IVF and related treatments, the NHS provides excellent information.
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