As someone who typically discusses parenting methodologies, I’ve spent a considerable portion of my adult life immersed in child development and engaging with children. However, there’s an underlying factor that influences my perspective: I am married to a musician. Yes, it’s a bit perplexing—how does this intersect with parenting? More than you might imagine.
I fell in love with Jake because of who he is, but to love him means embracing the fact that his career occupies a significant portion of his existence. Whether he’s buried in a recording studio in Nashville or touring with a prominent rock artist (who shall remain unnamed for privacy reasons, but trust me, he’s a good guy at heart), he leads a hectic life. Marrying a musician means accepting the reality of job unpredictability and the absence of a consistent annual income. It can often feel like entering a kind of polygamous arrangement, as they tend to prioritize their careers above all else. Long tours while managing two young kids? Not exactly the ideal scenario for a family.
Consequently, I gravitated towards effective parenting strategies long before I launched my blog. While Jake was away on tour, I was tasked with the responsibilities of both mom and dad. I needed simplicity in my parenting approach. People often comment on how effortlessly I seem to manage everything, but that’s far from the truth. Jake would probably assert that I have a knack for calming those around me, which, by the way, is precisely why I pursue this work. But today, I want to share a glimpse of the real me—the one who occasionally escapes to the restroom for a moment of solitude when the kids are bickering. The person who insists on applying a touch of makeup every morning, as it’s essential for surviving the day ahead. The exhausted individual who survives on minimal sleep and a lot of caffeine, and who can’t imagine life without her single-serve coffee maker.
Debunking the Stereotypes of Rock Star Wives
Today, I’ll debunk the stereotypes surrounding “Rock Star Wives” (and no, I’m not referring to those over-the-top women with extravagant surgeries from that infamous reality show). Here’s a peek into my authentic life:
- Navigating Introductions: I genuinely enjoy meeting new friends. I feel fortunate to have formed meaningful connections throughout my life, from childhood pals to college roommates and fellow moms I’ve encountered over the years. However, I dread the “getting to know you” phase. When most people share what their spouse does, there’s typically a relatable response. When it’s my turn, I often encounter one of two reactions: “That’s amazing! You must have such an exciting life!” or “What exactly does he do?” Jake’s life is thrilling; mine resembles that of an average mom managing a four-year-old and a two-year-old. Explaining his work requires diving into lengthy discussions about recording sessions (no, bands don’t always have their own players), tours (living on a bus for an extended period is not glamorous), and the complexities of the music industry—which I’m still trying to grasp. Sometimes, I almost say he’s an attorney just to avoid a lengthy Q&A, but I know I’d eventually be caught in a fib.
- No Touring for Me: It’s surprising how many people inquire about how often I accompany him on tour. We have TWO children! Allow me to describe a tour bus (and I’m referring to the upscale type designed for successful artists). You step inside to find the “front lounge,” which consists of cramped couches, a tiny table (you must excel at sharing), a “kitchen,” and the smallest bathroom imaginable. Then there are the “bunks,” which I prefer to think of as rolling coffins. Jake and I have spent long hours squeezed into these “beds” together, but they are unsuitable for children. There’s also a “back lounge,” but I tend to avoid it, as that’s usually where gaming and heavy drinking occur. I did accompany him on a five-week tour once, but I know our kids wouldn’t last even two days in that environment.
- Nighttime Anxiety: I keep a structured routine for our kids, and we adhere to it closely. It’s the only way to manage when I bear nearly all the parenting responsibilities. Days are generally manageable, yet as night falls, anxiety seeps in. I can’t shake off thoughts like, “What if something happens to me, and the kids can’t get help?” or “What if something happens to Jake?” Nights can feel isolating. I wish I had embarked on this blogging journey sooner; it would have kept me occupied. I’ve come to rely on friends who drop by with wine and food, even when I insist it’s unnecessary. They’ve been my lifeline this past year. Thankfully, I do enjoy reading, so there’s that.
- Mixed Feelings About Events: I never tire of watching Jake perform. It’s an indescribable experience. While others marvel at his talent, for me, it’s witnessing the man I adore fully immersed in his art. However, the after-parties? I could easily forgo them. Dressing up for the show is enjoyable, but being crammed into a crowded bar while anxiously watching the clock ticks away isn’t my idea of fun. I find myself glancing at my watch, calculating how much sleep I can squeeze in before the kids wake up. It was enjoyable at 25, but now it feels more like a requirement. I attend because it’s necessary (and for the excellent people-watching), but you’ll often find me cozied up on the couch with a bowl of oatmeal and my laptop.
- Guilt Gifts Are Nice: Let’s be honest—who doesn’t appreciate a thoughtful gift? When he returns after a long absence with a little something special, it softens the blow of his time away. I must confess, I have a weakness for designer handbags! While I wish he wouldn’t bend the rules to compensate for missed time with the kids, I can’t always play the “bad cop.” So, I occasionally let it slide. Plus, I get to indulge in as many designer jeans as I wish while he’s on tour, which is a definite perk.
- Love Remains: I hear complaints about husbands who enjoy watching football games (one advantage of musicians is they typically don’t care enough about sports to spend time at a bar for a game). I completely understand the frustrations—especially when it comes to parenting or household duties. However, Jake toured extensively from October 2009 to October 2010, which provided me with a different perspective. There were times I would have traded anything for a more traditional husband (even one who leaves the toilet seat up) just for the chance to share a few dinners each month. I love him regardless. I don’t harbor resentment (I get asked this frequently). I miss him when he’s away (thank goodness for my sister, who calls incessantly). I miss him when he’s locked up in a studio recording. But that’s who he is. And when he is home, he’s an incredible husband and father. Eleven years later, we still relish our cozy dinners in with a bottle of wine. Not too shabby.
In conclusion, there’s no glitz or glamour here—just a regular woman who fell in love with a musician, was blessed with two amazing children, and chose to share her journey. And yes, I would willingly choose this path again.
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