Updated: Aug. 21, 2015
Originally Published: March 7, 2011
Entering into the realm of parenthood, I fully understood the challenges ahead. I anticipated diaper changes and the kind of exhaustion that might warrant a driving ban on certain days. I was aware there would be moments of frustration and boredom, leading to outbursts and tears. However, the true drain on my enthusiasm comes not from the physical or emotional burdens but from the never-ending checklist of tasks that demand my attention.
Here are six parenting responsibilities I long to outsource to someone—anyone—else.
1. Gear Coordinator
This role entails keeping track of children’s height, weight, clothing, and shoe sizes at all times. Responsibilities also include sourcing necessary safety equipment (like car seats and helmets) and managing a plethora of sports gear (think balls of every kind). A candidate with a knack for tracking water bottles is highly desirable.
2. Event Organizer
I’m in search of an individual to help manage the constant influx of playdate invitations, birthday parties, school activities, and volunteer opportunities. This person should be adept at handling medical forms and deadlines for extracurricular activities. Familiarity with scheduling tools like Sign Up Genius and Perfect Potluck is a must.
3. Weather Consultant
A morning availability is required to address a barrage of weather-related questions, including, “How hot is it?” and “Is it really cold or just moderately chilly?” Understanding that children will often choose a sweatshirt over a sundress, regardless of the forecast, is essential.
4. Childhood Sleuth
This position is for someone with a relentless pursuit of answers to everyday parenting mysteries. Previous experience dealing with blank stares from children is required. Potential questions may include: “Where did you last see it?” and “Who was the last person to touch that?”
5. Supply Checker
A candidate is needed to oversee household staples and implement an alert system for when supplies run low. Estimating how many sandwiches can be made from a nearly empty peanut butter jar and how much laundry detergent remains will also be part of the job. Experience with coupons is appreciated, as is the ability to ensure that toilet paper never runs out.
6. Family Fall Guy
I seek someone to take the blame for our family’s mishaps. This individual must be willing to accept responsibility for forgotten items or any general chaos that ensues. This position directly reports to the household matriarch.
Unfortunately, I currently lack the resources to expand my team. As I stand in the kitchen, I realize we are out of peanut butter again, I don’t have the correct change for the field trip form due today, and I’m the reason no one can find their sweatshirts in the freezing 23-degree weather—because who needs a coat?
Perhaps I underestimated what this parenting journey would entail.
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Summary
Parenting is filled with numerous tasks that can feel overwhelming. From managing gear and organizing events to keeping track of household supplies, the responsibilities can be daunting. The desire to delegate these jobs is universal among parents, as they juggle the complexities of daily life with children.
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