Recently, while shopping for a ceiling fan for the nursery I’m preparing, the sales associate, Jake, assured me that an eight-week wait for delivery would be no issue. He glanced at me—clearly lacking a baby bump—and confidently stated this timeframe was sufficient. I gently explained that the baby is actually due in eight weeks. His puzzled expression suggested he struggled to comprehend the situation, but I opted to let him believe I was in my third trimester.
As I pen this, I am eagerly anticipating the arrival of my child in two months, thanks to a gestational surrogate who is carrying our embryos—created by my husband and me. This journey has spanned nearly four years, filled with both emotional and financial challenges. Although I remain superstitious about declaring success until I hold my baby, I am profoundly grateful that we have reached this stage. I often find myself feeling uneasy when I see other women posting ultrasound images on social media; it’s a reminder of the disconnect I feel, as I do not share the physical experience of pregnancy.
This path began with a consultation at a high-risk pregnancy clinic. The doctor, after reviewing my medical history, bluntly stated that carrying a baby was unsafe for me and inquired if I had anyone in mind to be my surrogate. Until that moment, the thought had never crossed my mind. I was aware that IVF was my only route to conceiving, but the option of not carrying my child had not occurred to me.
Over the following years, we diligently saved and secured a loan. I underwent two rounds of IVF to freeze embryos for our future surrogate, followed by two fresh IVF cycles once we found her. If these terms seem unfamiliar, rest assured; it’s common to feel lost at first in this complex process.
We explored various avenues for finding a surrogate, considering international options in countries such as India and Ukraine. Ultimately, in January 2013, I received a message from a friend in Oregon. She had a co-worker, a compassionate nurse named Sarah, who was eager to help us by becoming our surrogate. Sarah had experienced uncomplicated pregnancies herself and was passionate about assisting others.
After 18 months of ups and downs, Sarah finally became pregnant with our child. However, it wasn’t without its challenges; our first two attempts at transferring embryos had failed. As the saying goes, “third time’s the charm.”
It’s been an unusual experience for me, occasionally amusing to observe the reactions of people who assume I am pregnant. Yet, the journey can also feel isolating. In stores, I find myself making eye contact with other expectant mothers, but they remain unaware of my unique situation. Without a visible baby bump, I feel invisible among them.
Now, as I approach the final stretch of my pregnancy journey, I’ve noticed that most resources—whether online or in magazines—mostly focus on the experiences of women who are physically pregnant. Though I don’t envy those expecting mothers or my brave surrogate, I sometimes miss the intimate experiences of pregnancy, such as feeling kicks. Despite my gratitude for avoiding physical discomfort, I long to connect more deeply with this process.
Recently, my husband and I met with a potential pediatrician. When she entered the waiting area and approached a visibly pregnant woman next to me, my husband and I corrected her, leading to an awkward moment. Similarly, during a baby care class filled with expectant mothers, I noticed only one other woman who, like myself, was not pregnant. We quickly bonded over our shared experiences of having surrogates.
Ultimately, I recognize the importance of gratitude for this opportunity. Many women endure far tougher journeys, from multiple IVF cycles to heartbreaking miscarriages, and some may never conceive at all. I need to remind myself that our situation is indeed miraculous. I look forward to holding our baby and feeling that profound connection.
Update: Our daughter arrived three weeks ago and is thriving. I now feel the bond that I longed for and finally embrace my identity as a mother. I’m experiencing the joys and challenges of new parenthood, including sleepless nights and the desire to protect my child. I find great fulfillment in sharing my journey to inspire others who face fertility challenges, hoping my story offers them hope. After holding my breath for what felt like four long years, I can finally exhale and embrace my post-baby body!
For more insights on artificial insemination, consider exploring resources like this one. You can also check out Cryobaby for authority on the subject, or visit Wikipedia for comprehensive information on IVF.
Summary:
This article discusses the emotional and logistical journey of becoming a mother through surrogacy. It highlights the challenges faced by women who do not carry their children, the connection to their surrogates, and the feelings of isolation experienced during pregnancy. It emphasizes the importance of gratitude and the miraculous nature of parenthood, ending with a joyful announcement of the birth of the author’s daughter.
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