A few months back, I penned a piece on comments to avoid when addressing moms of boys. I aimed to blend humor with insight, hoping to mix wit with a touch of sarcasm. I thought, “By highlighting these faux pas, I’m saving others from social blunders.” I envisioned my post as a public service announcement, akin to an informative commercial.
To create it, I tapped into my personal experiences, expressing frustrations over the myriad of clumsy remarks I’d encountered. I dissected each annoying comment, letting their negativity fester until they became a bitter stew of irritation. When my own reservoir of grievances ran dry, I reached out to friends to gather their thoughts.
Confident that I had crafted something viral-worthy, I scoured for comments that were gender-specific and in poor taste — anything that could be deemed naïve or judgmental. Yet, in doing so, I made myself unhappy.
For several days, I moaned from my metaphorical pedestal about all the thoughtless things I’d heard as a parent, especially as a mother of boys. I found myself fixating on these remarks, which often originated from innocent misunderstanding rather than malice.
Lists detailing what not to say have proliferated across the internet. There are guides for non-parents speaking to parents, advice for parents addressing non-parents, and countless others tailored to specific parenting situations. It’s no surprise these lists have gained traction; they entertain while providing a sense of shared experience. After all, who hasn’t been on the receiving end of an insensitive comment? I’ve certainly made my fair share of poorly-timed remarks. However, I’ve always believed that such comments stemmed from ignorance rather than hostility.
While these “what-not-to-say” compilations can be beneficial, especially in promoting awareness, I worry that we’ve become overly sensitive. We’re so attuned to potential offense that we often assume negative intent where there may simply be a lack of awareness. This mindset can lead to unnecessary discomfort and defensiveness.
At some point, we need to ease up and extend grace to one another. It’s essential to remember that not everyone is familiar with the multitude of social guidelines that have emerged. As parents, we receive a barrage of information from blogs, media, and various platforms, which can be both enlightening and overwhelming. While this wealth of information can foster support and community, it can also amplify insecurities and lead to public shaming, even if unintentionally.
I often find myself second-guessing my parenting choices, feeling ill-equipped for the journey. Parenting is undeniably challenging, and unsolicited advice can be frustrating. I’m in favor of open discussions and raising awareness about parenting challenges, but I wonder if we’ve become so conditioned to perceive conflict that we miss the camaraderie we could share.
In most cases, people are well-meaning, even if they miss the mark. Yes, there are those who intentionally say hurtful things, but generally, I believe in the fundamental goodness of people. Perhaps we would all benefit from a little more understanding and a lot less defensiveness.
Instead of focusing on what to avoid, we should emphasize supportive comments. Phrases like “You’re doing great,” or “How can I help?” can foster community rather than division.
So, what was on my original “what-not-to-say” list? You’ll have to search elsewhere to find out, as I won’t be sharing it today. However, I can’t deny the humor found in those lists—they’re often spot-on and entertaining.
Summary
In this reflection, the author explores the downsides of creating lists that outline what not to say to parents, particularly mothers of boys. While acknowledging that some comments are indeed thoughtless, they argue for a more compassionate perspective that assumes good intentions. Rather than focusing on negative interactions, a shift towards supportive communication could foster a more positive parenting community.
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