There’s an inherent image that many people conjure when they think of single mothers—some positive, some negative, and plenty in between. Prior to embracing this role myself, I held similar perceptions.
The prevalent stereotype paints a picture of a woman juggling multiple children, working tirelessly across several jobs, all while struggling to make ends meet. She often appears overwhelmed, teetering on the brink of stress, and is perpetually one spilled glass of milk away from a breakdown. The demands of providing for her children take a toll on her ability to truly be present. Society may view her as dependent on welfare, and some may even unjustly accuse her of exploiting the system, all while perpetuating cycles from her own upbringing.
The reasons behind a woman becoming a single mother are diverse. She may have found herself unexpectedly pregnant as a teenager or may have been blindsided by life’s challenges, left to pick up the pieces while ensuring her children are fed. Perhaps she invested in a relationship that turned toxic, believing she had no alternative or wishing for a better future for her children. She could be a victim of circumstance or a widow mourning her partner. Alternatively, she may have intentionally chosen this path, desiring to embrace motherhood on her own terms.
Regardless of the circumstances leading to her situation, single moms—whether you call them solo moms or by another name—come from various backgrounds and experiences. While stereotypes may exist, they often do not reflect reality.
Every mother, including single moms, juggles numerous responsibilities daily, and sometimes, things don’t go as planned. This is, in fact, the universal truth of motherhood.
The most surprising aspect of my journey through single motherhood hasn’t been the external challenges or the heartache stemming from my former marriage. It’s the unexpected judgment that arises within the community of single mothers themselves. I’ve observed an unspoken hierarchy that exists among us.
Many of us find ourselves in this role by chance—most women don’t wake up one day and decide, “I want to raise my children alone!” Life’s unpredictability leads us here, and we adapt, striving to improve our circumstances and sacrificing for our kids every single day. And we do this just like all mothers do.
We are aware of the so-called “mom wars.” While these often revolve around issues such as breastfeeding versus formula feeding, co-sleeping, or schooling choices, within the realm of single motherhood, the conflicts can escalate to more complex issues such as child support and the presence of a father figure.
Some single mothers may look down on those they perceive as having it easier due to support from family or a co-parent. Sentiments like, “She’s not a real single mom because she receives help,” can surface, creating division. The truth is, every situation presents its own difficulties—whether one is entirely alone or has some form of support. Parenting, in all its forms, is challenging, and life can be hard, regardless of circumstances.
So, what does a “true single mom” look like? Here’s what I envision, and indeed, I believe it applies to all mothers.
She embodies heroism. She possesses a depth of wisdom shaped by her experiences with pain, fear, and triumph. She often appears fatigued, grappling with self-doubt about her choices yet exuding a quiet confidence. Her children trail behind her like ducklings, and she can look both disheveled and polished in the same day.
She may wear high heels and chic outfits or be in comfy sweatpants, juggling meals and laundry. She could be a professional with a full-time job or a stay-at-home mom navigating the complexities of daily life, often feeling overwhelmed yet beautiful in her resilience.
At the end of each day, she is filled with love, even amidst the chaos, and finds herself reflecting on her day, sometimes feeling like she has failed, yet she continues to push forward.
Above all, she doesn’t need to conform to anyone’s stereotypes or compete over whose struggles are greater. We are all mothers navigating the complexities of our journeys together, regardless of how we arrived here.
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Summary
Single mothers come from all walks of life, and their experiences are often misrepresented by stereotypes. Regardless of their individual circumstances, each mother faces unique challenges and triumphs in her parenting journey. The true essence of a mother, single or otherwise, is her unwavering strength and love for her children, irrespective of societal judgments.
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