When my daughter turned three, her grandmother, aunt, and great-grandmother collaborated to gift her a vibrant pink playset. The collection included a tiny baby doll, a miniature diaper bag, and even a small diaper for the doll. Additionally, it featured several princess-themed items, such as a tiara, a necklace, a wand (was she a princess or a fairy? The distinction is subtle), clip-on earrings, a dress, and, of course, her very first pair of high heels.
With a mix of astonishment and delight, I observed my little one awkwardly navigate the room in her new shoes. She was thrilled, not just because it was her birthday, but also due to the excitement of receiving gifts. Perhaps it was the allure of the pink purse, sparkly tiara, and other charming accessories that brought her joy.
In the ongoing discussion about whether behaviors are a result of nature or nurture, I firmly believe in the impact of nurture. I contend that girls gravitate toward pink princess themes because society tells them to. By age three, these notions are deeply entrenched, making it difficult to reverse. Tell a young girl that boys can play with dolls, and she’ll find it amusing. Conversely, if a boy learns that a goody bag filled with Cars stickers is intended for his sister, he’ll recognize the joke. From the moment they are born, we instill these ideas, and when children display the behaviors we’ve encouraged, we proudly declare, “See? Girls are inherently different from boys! It’s nature.”
However, I’m not entirely opposed to this phenomenon. My daughter appeared genuinely happy in her high heels, and that was what mattered most in that moment. Observing her with her great-grandmother as they dressed the new baby doll was heartwarming.
A few days later, I approached my mother-in-law, expressing my thoughts. “It’s fine to give her these pink princess items,” I said, “but she also needs a variety of experiences. If you buy her pink toys, perhaps consider adding some non-pink options as well, to show her that there’s more to life than just princesses and dolls.”
Initially, I felt defensive when she responded, “I choose these gifts to complement your time with her.” Yet, upon reflection, her reasoning made sense. As a stay-at-home dad, my interactions with my daughter primarily revolve around activities like basketball, soccer, hiking, and building with Legos. In those moments, there’s nothing overtly “girlish” about her. I haven’t even dressed her in a dress during the three years I’ve been responsible for her attire. This wasn’t intentional; I’m not trying to restrict her identity or push her into a mold. I enjoy playing sports, and her gender should not inhibit that.
This realization was enlightening. Perhaps the pink items aren’t something I should resist, but rather embrace, as they provide the balance I desire for her upbringing. When she struts around with her tiny purse, channeling her inner Paris Hilton, I can step back and let her enjoy herself. After her little fashion parade, we can switch gears with some playful antics, tossing a ball back and forth while she giggles at her tumbles.
Speaking of balance, we asked her what she wanted for her birthday cake, and she eagerly replied, “Princess.” We agreed, but added that something else was necessary for balance. And thus, we created a cake that reflected her dual interests—a delightful representation of my girl, the sometimes-princess.
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In summary, fostering a well-rounded experience for children involves recognizing their interests, whether they align with traditional gender roles or not. Encouraging diverse play while allowing for personal expression is key to healthy development.
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