As I plunge into the cool water, the chill envelops me, momentarily stealing my breath. I swim a few strokes away before quickly turning back. When I break the surface, I’m met with her bright smile and infectious enthusiasm.
“See!” she exclaims, her voice bubbling with joy. “It’s so incredible, Mom! I absolutely love this!” With a gleeful shout, she throws her head back and raises her arms, exclaiming, “I LOVE THIS!!!”
“It’s amazing,” I reply, and she wraps me in a warm embrace that pulls us both beneath the water’s surface.
We play a game of follow the leader along the shores of Lake Tahoe, with her swimming just ahead. I can’t help but marvel at the remarkable young lady she is becoming.
From time to time, she pauses to point out a fish, a unique rock, or a log that resembles an eye, her smile unwavering. “I love you,” she says, catching her breath. The sincerity of her words radiates from her, and it melts my heart.
For so long, I’ve yearned to see her embrace her adventurous spirit, to watch her release her fears and welcome life’s experiences. My heart swells with excitement as I witness her growth.
My precious girl. How deeply I cherish you.
For many years, I’ve battled the feeling that I’m failing her as a mother, especially in guiding her through life’s challenges. I have so many aspirations for her, yet I often feel ill-equipped to help her achieve them.
I see her grappling with fears of spiders, heights, and speaking to strangers, and I worry I’ve let her down. My dream of raising a confident, fearless daughter feels like it’s slipping away, leading me into spirals of self-doubt.
Am I setting a good example? Am I pushing too hard or not enough? Does she feel accepted? Am I trying to mold her into someone she isn’t? Does she sense my love? The weight of these questions is overwhelming, and I fear I might fail her.
She deserves the best of me, and yet, I often feel inadequate.
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