As a child, I often grappled with feelings of anxiety and confusion, unaware that my experiences were not typical. I internalized these emotions, believing they stemmed from my own shortcomings. It wasn’t until years later, through extensive therapy and personal growth, that I recognized the impact of my relationship with my mother on these feelings. This realization sparked a challenging journey to redefine a connection that had always been marked by tension and discomfort.
It’s a known truth that the mother-daughter bond can be fraught with difficulties, but mine felt particularly intense. In my twenties, as I began therapy and started identifying the dysfunction in our relationship, I made a significant decision: I distanced myself from my mother. While this choice was painful and laden with guilt—especially during holidays and special occasions—it was a necessary step for my mental health. I often questioned my worth: Was I a terrible person for cutting ties with my own mother? Why did others seem to have harmonious relationships with theirs? What was wrong with me?
As I continued my self-improvement journey, I eventually decided to reconnect with my mother, albeit with a cautious mindset. I aimed to establish clear boundaries and approached each interaction with intention. Initially, this reconnection alleviated some of my guilt and offered a sense of normalcy. However, I soon found myself emotionally drained. Despite the appearance of improvement, I was once again in a state of hyper-vigilance, a familiar sensation from my childhood.
Last summer, during a family visit, I felt an overwhelming sense of entrapment. The situation echoed past experiences, leaving me confused and ashamed, even though I had done nothing wrong. It was then that I recognized the need for change. I made the difficult decision to ghost my mother. Unlike my earlier attempts, this felt liberating; I relinquished the pressure to enforce boundaries, foster a healthy relationship, or transform her into the parent I longed for. I simply let go.
There are moments of sadness as I reflect on the absence of an emotionally available mother throughout my life. This sentiment is particularly poignant now that I am a mother myself. Nevertheless, navigating a toxic relationship that drains one’s emotional resources is a challenge I no longer wish to face. I am no longer that confused child; I am an adult with responsibilities.
In that familiar, overwhelming situation last summer, I took decisive actions: I blocked her number, filtered her texts as spam, and unfriended her on social media. I no longer engage with her cards or gifts. Since making this choice, my self-esteem has flourished. I’ve embarked on a business venture with a close friend and returned to my passion for writing. Without my mother’s influence, I feel liberated to embrace my true self, acknowledging my big emotions, loyalty, empathy, and creativity.
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In summary, by putting my mental health first and making the tough decision to separate from my mother, I’ve reclaimed my identity and found a newfound sense of freedom.
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