Navigating Conversations When Your Child Has a Tumor: 4 Things To Avoid Saying

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A few months ago, my child was diagnosed with a cancerous tumor. While I won’t delve into specifics about the diagnosis or its rarity, I can share that he is doing remarkably well and we remain optimistic and focused. However, learning about a serious illness in your child can turn your world upside down, and sharing this news with family and friends can be incredibly challenging. What’s often even more difficult is the variety of reactions you might encounter. Some responses are comforting, while others can be quite the opposite. Here are four things that are best left unsaid to a parent facing their child’s serious illness:

1. “I Can’t Imagine What You Must Be Going Through.”

   This phrase can feel burdensome, as it places the emotional weight back on me to reassure you. I appreciate your empathy, but when you express that you can’t fathom our experience, it amplifies the gravity of our situation. Instead of making me feel worse, it would be more helpful to simply listen or offer your support without the pressure of having to comfort you in return.

2. “You Are Handling This So Well…You Are So Strong.”

   While I understand the intention behind this statement, it can come off as if people expect me to crumble under the weight of this challenge. I’m just a parent doing what any mother would do: making decisions and fighting for my child’s health. It’s not about being strong; it’s about necessity. Most parents will step up in times of crisis for their children, so please recognize that this is what I must do.

3. “What Can I Do To Help?”

   While the desire to assist is appreciated, asking this question can put me in a difficult position. I am currently juggling multiple responsibilities—whether it’s caring for my other kids, managing household tasks, or coordinating medical appointments. Instead of waiting for me to tell you what we need, please take the initiative. One friend, for instance, dropped off meals and comforting items without needing a list, while another organized a meal train for my family during treatment days. Those gestures made a world of difference and relieved me of the stress of having to ask for help.

4. “He Will Be Fine.”

   Although I share your hope for a positive outcome, this statement can feel overly simplistic. It undermines the complexities of our situation and the gravity of the decisions we face. While we remain hopeful that he will be okay, please recognize that our journey is filled with uncertainties that require sensitivity.

It’s also essential to remember that my child is facing this battle head-on. He displays incredible resilience, yet still craves support and love from those around him. If you truly want to assist, directing your kindness toward him is equally important. He deserves encouragement and connection, just as much as I do.

In conclusion, navigating conversations about serious illnesses requires sensitivity and awareness. By being mindful of what to say—and what not to say—you can provide meaningful support during a challenging time. For more information on related topics, consider visiting Make a Mom or explore Johns Hopkins’ fertility resources for additional insights.