Recently, I shared with a close friend that I had opted for a cosmetic procedure years ago, a detail I had kept hidden from most. Her response was a casual shrug and the comment, “Well, you’ve always been a bit vain.” I was taken aback and felt a sting of hurt. I never considered myself vain. The term often evokes images of self-absorbed individuals who would go to extreme lengths for beauty, like the villainous characters in fairy tales such as Snow White. This conversation prompted me to reflect on the distinction between being proud of one’s appearance and being conceited.
As a child, my first notions of beauty came from my mother. She would take my sisters and me to department stores, spending what felt like hours trying on lipsticks and eye shadows while we entertained ourselves at the Clinique counter. Although my mother wasn’t particularly fashionable, her self-esteem was closely tied to her makeup routine. She offered no apologies for instilling her beliefs about beauty in me, from teaching me how to shave my legs at ten to suggesting I address my “mustache” at eleven. Our bathroom became a sanctuary for bonding over beauty rituals.
I learned that beauty was achievable with the right tools. Looks weren’t valued above intelligence; I could be both smart and attractive. However, adolescence hit hard, and I found myself grappling with insecurity as I watched my peers develop while I felt like a mere shadow. Teased for looking boyish and nicknamed “Flatty,” I faced a tough time during middle school where self-doubt thrived.
Eventually, with time and a few necessary changes, I regained some of my confidence. As I entered my twenties, I rediscovered the impact of a little makeup. While I never woke up looking flawless, I always had a strategy to enhance my appearance. Embracing the art of looking good made me feel empowered, intelligent, and confident.
Admittedly, I take joy in beautifying myself, whatever that means to me. I appreciate compliments on my appearance and enjoy the thrill of seeing myself positively reflected in storefronts. I make conscious choices about my health and appearance, exercising, eating well, and indulging in my love for makeup. I strive to ensure that my inner beauty matches my outer appearance, and I take pride in both.
As I approach my 40th birthday, I acknowledge the unique challenges that come with aging as a woman. Our culture often emphasizes youth, which complicates my perceptions of what it means to look good at this stage. I recognize that I have imperfections, but I still desire to present my best self for as long as possible.
In conclusion, wanting to look attractive is not inherently vain; it can be a form of self-expression and empowerment. It’s about finding a balance between pride in one’s appearance and valuing inner qualities, creating a holistic sense of self-worth.
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