When my 9-year-old son was diagnosed with leukemia, I was deeply moved by the incredible support from family and friends. My relatives visited often, and friends took care of my other children, while acquaintances offered various forms of assistance. I cherished every gesture, although many struggled with how to communicate effectively about the situation. To help others navigate these conversations, I’ve compiled some common phrases along with my reflections as a parent in this challenging time.
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“How is your child/your family doing?”
This question is invaluable. It acknowledges the gravity of my child’s condition and includes my entire family. It gives me the freedom to share as much or as little as I feel comfortable with. However, if the listener cannot handle the response and abruptly changes the subject, I’d prefer a simple, “I’m thinking of you,” which signifies concern without the pressure for detailed discussion. -
“Your child is in my thoughts/prayers.”
Knowing that people care about my son’s well-being is incredibly uplifting. It serves as a reminder that he is not alone in this fight. I’ve had friends tell me they pray for us regularly, referring to themselves as our “prayer warriors,” which warms my heart and helps me find strength during difficult moments. -
“Can I help you?”
While I often feel awkward vocalizing my needs, those who take the initiative to provide help—whether by preparing meals, taking my other children on outings, or even sending over small treats—make a significant difference. One time, I returned home from the hospital to find a neighbor shoveling our driveway. Having people who continue to offer support as the situation evolves is crucial, as this journey can stretch over years, and the stress can mount. -
“I know someone who has/had cancer!”
While some may want to connect through shared experiences, not every story is helpful. Hearing about someone’s uncle who had leukemia and faced a tragic outcome does little to comfort me. However, I do appreciate tales of children who have triumphed over their battles with cancer and are thriving today. -
“She’ll get through this. I just know it.”
No one can predict the future. While I understand the intent behind this sentiment, it can feel dismissive. I’m grateful for the concern, but I prefer to take things one moment at a time. Right now, uncertainty looms large, and while I hope for a positive outcome, I cannot assume anything. -
“I don’t know if I could do what you’re doing.”
It’s not like any parent chooses this path. If faced with a similar situation, anyone would ensure their child receives the necessary treatment and emotional support. I experience a range of emotions—anger, fear, frustration, and hope. I am not thriving; I am merely doing what is necessary. -
“Would you like to go for a walk?”
This question is a breath of fresh air. As long as someone can watch my son, I am usually eager to say yes. Walking with friends alleviates some anxiety and provides a temporary escape from the all-consuming nature of cancer. These moments allow me to talk about my life while also being there for those I care about.
Acknowledging my child’s struggle and addressing it directly is essential. While each family’s experience is unique, I believe that having support can provide immense strength. Demonstrating care through words or actions is a powerful way to assist families dealing with cancer.
For more resources on managing childhood cancer, consider visiting sites like City of Hope, Dana-Farber Cancer Institute, and Ped-Onc Resource Center which offer valuable information and support.
Summary
Supporting a parent whose child has cancer is critical for their emotional well-being. Simple gestures like asking how they’re doing, offering prayers, providing help without being prompted, and sharing encouraging stories can make a significant difference. As parents navigate this challenging journey, knowing they have a support network can provide strength and comfort.
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