20 Tasks Simpler Than Negotiating With a 4-Year-Old

home insemination kit

Parenting

By Dr. Emily Thompson
Updated: Aug. 15, 2015
Originally Published: March 27, 2012

Navigating the whims of a 4-year-old can often feel like a Herculean task. Just the other day, my child, after a day at preschool, decided to unwind with Curious George. However, when it came time for naptime, he insisted on a different show without the faintest idea of what that might be. His declaration, “I want to watch something else, but I don’t know what,” left me bewildered.

Children’s Logic Can Be Illogical.

What ensued was an extended temper tantrum that lasted two hours, reminiscent of an emotional rollercoaster. It was as if I were reliving the turmoil of a high school breakup, but with far more chaos and considerably less closure. Eventually, my little one collapsed in exhaustion on the couch, akin to a very tired adult after a night out.

In that moment, I found myself reflecting on the absurdity of the situation, leading to the creation of this list. Because, quite frankly, engaging in rational discourse with a 4-year-old is an exercise in futility. They have no interest in reasoning; instead, they generate noise and chaos.

Here are 20 endeavors that are decidedly simpler than attempting to reason with a 4-year-old:

1. Shaving your legs while 9 months pregnant.
2. Pilfering a golden egg from a fire-breathing dragon.
3. Preparing a gourmet meal with a 30-pound child on your hip.
4. Experiencing menopause in Florida’s sweltering heat.
5. Deciphering the rules of Curling.
6. Being part of Sea World’s public relations team.
7. Governing an entire galaxy.
8. Living as Barack Obama.
9. Grocery shopping at Whole Foods on a budget.
10. Piloting an aircraft through the Bermuda Triangle.
11. Mastering Common Core Math.
12. Teaching in a public school setting.
13. Co-habitating with a character like Sheldon Cooper (knock, knock, knock… Leonard).
14. Verifying facts for a late-night comedy show.
15. Undertaking procedures for Ron Jeremy.
16. Communicating with my 9-year-old while he’s immersed in Minecraft.
17. Declawing a Hemingway cat (with their six toes).
18. Shopping at Target without a $100 bill disappearing.
19. Attempting douching with Brillo pads.
20. Accompanying Billy Joel on the piano.

While I once managed to talk my way out of a speeding ticket and have engaged in rational dialogues about political matters, the current situation with my child has me pondering future conversations on curfews or academic grades. When that day arrives, I’ll certainly recall this list, reminding myself that revenge is sweet.

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In summary, managing a 4-year-old’s whims is a rather tumultuous affair. The juxtaposition of their illogical demands against the backdrop of adult responsibilities often leads to moments of frustration, yet they remind us of the whimsical nature of childhood.