A year ago, my partner and I attended an extraordinary wedding that we will likely never forget. If there were a program titled “Celebrity Weddings,” this one would be a top contender. Set against a backdrop of a luxurious beachfront estate, the celebration featured multiple bands, a variety of food stations, and even synchronized swimmers performing in the pool. Amid the splendor, one phrase from the officiant resonated deeply with me: “Marriage isn’t the most important thing; it is the only important thing.” This statement lingered in my mind.
When you become a parent to a child with Down syndrome, you find yourself part of a unique community. Other parents reach out, offering reassurance, strength, and understanding. Just a week after our son came home from the NICU, a fellow parent emailed us. She had received the same diagnosis for her child shortly after birth. Her message detailed her fears and how her son continuously disproved many of them, sharing her hopes for his future.
As I finished reading, I turned to my partner, who was visibly moved. Tears streamed down his face, and though he struggled to articulate his feelings, he managed to express a sentiment I will always cherish: “I hope he meets a girl with Down syndrome; I want him to experience love like I do with you.”
During the diagnosis phase, my greatest concern revolved around this very topic. Marriage held immense significance for us; would our son ever experience that joy? As the life expectancy for individuals with Down syndrome increases, so does their likelihood of marriage. However, when a person with Down syndrome does tie the knot, it often makes headlines, suggesting that it remains an uncommon occurrence.
While I desire for my son to marry, I realize now that my wish stems from the happiness marriage has brought me. It has shaped me into a better individual. Yet, just because I have chosen to prioritize marriage in my life doesn’t mean it must be the focal point of his. Our role as parents is not to mold our children into replicas of ourselves. Rather, we should instill our values while encouraging their independence and personal choices.
To the officiant, I respectfully disagree. Love is what truly matters, not merely the institution of marriage. Our son may not love someone in the same way his father and I love each other, but he will love and be loved. He will form bonds with his sister, grandparents, cousins, and perhaps even a wife. Regardless of marital status, our son’s life will be rich with love.
For those interested in exploring more about family planning, check out this insightful piece on the at-home insemination kit for useful information. Additionally, if you’re seeking guidance on fertility treatments, the Johns Hopkins Fertility Center is an excellent resource.
In summary, while marriage is a cherished aspect of many lives, love, in its many forms, is what truly enriches our existence. Our children will find love and connection, regardless of the societal emphasis on marriage.
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