Parenting Insights
Updated: August 21, 2015
Originally Published: June 13, 2012
This week, my son decided that sleep was no longer a priority. To say that I’m exhausted would be an understatement.
After a night filled with no rest at all, I thought it would be a bright idea to take both of my boys to Target post-nap time (and I use the term “nap” very loosely). My goal was to grab four enormous boxes of diapers during their baby sale and find a distraction from the chaos at home. I knew that if we stayed indoors and I slowed down, fatigue would take over and my little ones might set the house ablaze.
However, the trip to Target did not go as planned. It turned out to be one of the more overwhelming experiences we’ve had. I won’t dive into every detail, but the moment we drove home, I realized I had no bedtime to look forward to. My son had discovered his newfound talent for staying awake all night and could appear at my side unexpectedly.
In a rush of emotions, tears streamed down my face as I had a revelation: I can’t have any more children. I’ve reached my limit. This is it.
As a fatigued mom of two boys, I often long for more children, yet the reality is that I struggle to manage the two I already have. I will never experience the joy of knowing my last pregnancy is truly my last. I will miss out on the chance to help a daughter prepare for prom, buy her feminine products, or shop for her wedding dress. It’s amazing how quickly things can escalate.
There are days when I wonder if having two kids was a mistake. It can feel overwhelming, and I question whether we’re doing it right. On other days, I feel like we’re nailing this parenting thing and consider having a larger family.
Then there was today. After my emotional breakdown, a light bulb flickered on in my mind. Here’s the brilliant conclusion I reached: I don’t need to decide how many children we will have right now.
People constantly inquire:
- “Are you planning on having more?”
- “When will you try for a girl?”
- “I can’t believe you’re not pregnant again yet.”
- “You’re done having kids, aren’t you?”
- “Are you using any birth control?”
I usually respond with a complex explanation about waiting longer between our first two kids, and how since they are so close in age, we plan to wait even longer for a third—unless it just happens. We’re considering waiting until my partner completes college or until our current kids are off to college (or at least potty trained). Ultimately, we think we might want three or four kids in total.
Today, I have a new response for those curious folks: “We have no idea, and you’ll probably find out when we do.”
It could go either way—we might have more children or we might not. It’s not something I need to have figured out right now. From my experiences in these 26.5 years of life, I’ve learned that our plans rarely turn out as anticipated. If they did, I would be a stunning mom with perfectly behaved children and a flawless marriage. I would bake like a pro, rock a bikini confidently, enjoy plenty of sleep, and have an abundance of free time.
In reality, the future is uncertain. Even if we knew we wanted two more children, circumstances could change. Conversely, even if we thought we didn’t want any more, life could surprise us. While I don’t mind when people ask about our family plans, the truth is we don’t have any concrete answers. And I’m discovering that it’s perfectly fine to embrace the unknown for now. Our family may or may not be complete, but it’s certainly whole for the time being.
For further insights into home insemination, you can explore resources like CryoBaby’s at-home insemination kit, which offers valuable information. Additionally, the World Health Organization provides excellent resources concerning pregnancy and related topics.
Summary:
In this reflective piece, the author shares the emotional journey of parenting two boys and the uncertainties surrounding family planning. Despite the challenges, she recognizes the importance of embracing the present and the unknown future of her family dynamics.
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