Congratulations on your journey to becoming a gay parent! Whether you’ve chosen adoption, IVF, artificial insemination, surrogacy, or fostering, you’ve navigated a significant path to reach this exciting moment. Now, there are several preparations to undertake.
Rest assured, this guide won’t delve into the typical advice about diaper stockpiling or CPR training. Many LGBTQ+ parents are already proactive in these areas, having spent considerable time planning for their families. I remember eagerly signing up for baby classes myself.
This article aims to provide insights specifically tailored for you, the expectant LGBTQ+ parent. There are nuances to raising children in a non-traditional family that standard baby classes may overlook. Here are some essential considerations:
1. Fostering Perspective for Your Children
Your kids may grow up feeling somewhat outside the norm, as most families consist of a mom and a dad. Embrace this difference and celebrate your family’s uniqueness from day one. Discuss what makes your family special in positive terms. There are many wonderful children’s books about LGBTQ+ families—books I affectionately refer to as “Papa-ganda.” One of our favorites is “The Family Book” by Todd Parr, which helps our kids understand and appreciate their family structure.
2. Embracing Openness
As a gay parent, you might often find yourself “coming out” to strangers. Before children, you could pass as straight without much thought. However, once you have kids, people are more likely to assume a traditional family structure. For instance, it’s not uncommon for strangers to comment on your “lucky wife,” despite your partner being male. It’s crucial to correct these assumptions gently yet firmly, as your kids are listening. Instilling pride in your family and identity is paramount; they should know that your family is just as valid as any other.
3. Becoming an Advocate
As an LGBTQ+ parent, you may have to step outside your supportive environment more often than before. Your children will interact with peers from traditional family backgrounds, and you will engage with a variety of perspectives. While some may not fully embrace your family structure, advocating for your children is essential. For example, if a school form only provides spaces for “Mother” and “Father,” simply cross out the labels and write in what reflects your family. Often, these small actions can lead to significant changes over time, as I experienced when the forms were updated for the following year.
4. Experiencing General Kindness
Many parents, including LGBTQ+ families, report positive interactions with others. While some may harbor biases, most people are kind and supportive. It’s likely you’ll encounter individuals who are curious and eager to learn about your family dynamics. Many will share their stories or express excitement about their LGBTQ+ relatives starting families.
5. Authenticity and Pride
Being yourself and taking pride in your identity is crucial. Assume the best in people, and you may often be pleasantly surprised. Dive into those parenting books to learn about feeding, diapering, and all the joys and challenges of parenthood—whether gay or straight, being a parent is one of the most rewarding experiences you’ll ever have.
For additional resources on fertility and at-home insemination, you can explore this fertility booster for men and this at-home insemination kit for further guidance. For those seeking support with female infertility, this resource on pregnancy and home insemination is invaluable.
In summary, becoming a gay parent is a unique and rewarding journey filled with challenges and triumphs. Embrace your family’s individuality, advocate for your rights, and approach each day with pride.
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