Parenting
By Leisl
Updated: July 23, 2020
Originally Published: July 27, 2012
As much as I strive to be a patient and understanding daughter-in-law, I must confess that my patience has its limits. If my mother-in-law were to publicly challenge my position as the leading lady in my husband’s heart, I might very well transform into a somewhat irrational and jealous figure, fiercely defending my status. Surely, you think, that kind of absurdity could never happen. Yet, in the unpredictable realm of mother/daughter-in-law dynamics, such antics seem to be a daily occurrence.
Here’s how it played out: it was a typically quiet day when my husband casually asked, “Do you have the car keys, dear?” Before I could process the question, my mother-in-law interjected, “Are you speaking to me?” An awkward pause followed until I pointed out the obvious: “I believe he’s addressing me, Mom.”
Much to my astonishment, she shot back with, “Well, dear refers to me, clearly.” I was momentarily at a loss for words (a rare occurrence, considering I’m often labeled as having an unending stream of chatter).
If that wasn’t enough to leave me speechless, my ever-diplomatic husband attempted to thaw the sudden chill in the air with the most ludicrous thing I’ve ever heard him say: “No fighting, ladies – you’re BOTH the loves of my life.” Hmmm…
Now, perhaps you think that isn’t so terrible. Give him credit for a cheesy line to diffuse a potential crisis. However, I should mention that I was six months pregnant at the time, which is akin to being a highly emotional and sensitive creature. My mental stability was hanging by a thread, and I was relying on chocolate to keep my mood swings in check. In that moment, I was certainly not in the mood for my husband to compare our relationship to his bond with his mother!
I have learned that arguing with my mother-in-law is like trying to defeat Chuck Norris – it’s simply not done. There’s no way to win against her. Even if my pregnancy-fueled brain could muster a clever comeback, she would effortlessly glide past it.
So, what did I do? I smartly turned my attention to the innocent bystander in this familial conflict: my husband. Poor guy! He truly thought his clever remark would save the day, but he failed to consider that his wife was experiencing a whirlwind of hormones. I can happily report that he has learned his lesson and will never again think of placing me on the same level as anyone else.
Key Lessons
In conclusion, let’s extract some key lessons from this scenario:
- Husbands, given that you now reside with your partner and not your mother, choose your words wisely in tense situations. Your mother has limited influence over your happiness, while your wife wields substantial power. Remember: a happy wife equals a happy home.
- To mothers-in-law: yes, we acknowledge that someone has taken your place as the primary woman in your son’s life, but for goodness’ sake! We provide you with grandchildren to ease your heartache. Surely that counts for something?
- For daughter-in-laws and wives: as challenging as it may be, this is a package deal. You’ve secured the partner of your dreams, so just accept it and be grateful you’re not stuck with someone whose idea of a romantic evening involves a football game and a cooler of beer. (Note: if you are pregnant, you are free to create your own rules as you see fit).
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Summary
Navigating the complexities of family dynamics, especially in the context of mother-in-law and daughter-in-law relationships, can be challenging. It’s essential for husbands to recognize the balance of affection between their partners and mothers, while mothers-in-law should appreciate the role of daughters-in-law in their sons’ lives. Ultimately, it’s a partnership that requires understanding and respect.
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