10 Valid Reasons to Cut a Blueberry into Quarters (Curated by a Rational and Informed Parent)

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Among the myriad of unconventional parenting choices I’ve made, slicing a blueberry into quarters stands out as particularly peculiar. Recently, while preparing a snack for my 17-month-old daughter, I retrieved a pack of organic blueberries from the fridge. As I removed one blueberry, a fleeting memory surfaced: someone once mentioned that a blueberry is roughly the size of a toddler’s throat, posing a choking hazard. Despite the nonsensical nature of this assertion, I proceeded to slice the blueberry in half.

Upon examining the halves, I found myself wondering if they were still too large. What if my daughter attempted to swallow a half, and her throat was, in fact, the size of that blueberry half? So, I cut the halves into quarters. It was then that I couldn’t help but laugh, and even my daughter joined in from her highchair. The pieces were now so tiny that she could barely grasp them with her little fingers.

In an effort to rationalize this behavior and maintain a semblance of dignity, I compiled a list of legitimate reasons for cutting a blueberry into quarters—none of which involve the absurd fear of choking.

1. It’s excellent practice for the inevitable day when you must evenly slice peanut butter and jelly sandwiches into perfect quarters.
2. Other fruits get chopped, and you wouldn’t want the blueberry to feel isolated or bullied by the larger melon.
3. Cutting it open reveals the blueberry’s true inner color, which can often be green.
4. Someday, you may need to perform emergency surgery on your child’s first pet goldfish, and blueberries provide a comparable size for practicing.
5. You want to avoid the risk of your dog choking on a half blueberry when your toddler randomly tosses it aside in a fit of inexplicable rage.
6. Some blueberries are rumored to contain hidden fortunes—this is a serious matter.
7. The Very Hungry Caterpillar may be nestled inside, and it would be tragic for your child to unwittingly bite into him.
8. Tiny gnomes in your pantry might attempt to abscond with the blueberry for a makeshift soccer match in the cereal box.
9. Blueberry juice is believed to have knife-sharpening properties (this is true, as well).
10. With two hands and two feet, the math speaks for itself.

Feel free to use this list indefinitely, royalty-free. You’re welcome.

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Summary:

Cutting a blueberry into quarters may seem like an irrational parenting act, but it can serve several practical purposes, from practice for slicing sandwiches to ensuring your child’s safety and engaging their imagination. This light-hearted look at a seemingly absurd parenting choice highlights the humor and creativity that often accompany parenting decisions.