By: Isabella Hart
Updated: Aug. 13, 2015
Originally Published: Oct. 18, 2012
Embarking on the journey of parenthood is no small feat. As a family therapist and a parent myself, I often think that marriage licenses and pregnancy tests should come with a warning label. Picture something akin to the health advisories seen on alcohol and tobacco products, perhaps something like:
Surgeon General’s Warning: Alex, what you are about to undertake will stretch, deplete, and reshape your mind and body in ways that may leave you feeling unrecognizable from your current self. There will be days filled with shouting and tears; there will be moments when you long for the comfort of your own mother. Yes, it will be rewarding and enriching in countless ways, but Alex, you might want to reconsider that blissfully naive smile on your face.
Fortunately, for those who might underestimate the emotional and physical demands of family life, I present to you… Family Boot Camp: Preparing Future Parents.
- Condition Yourself for Physical Challenges. Get ready for nightly interruptions that will range from 3 to 9 times a night for a solid 364 days. On a particularly exhausting afternoon, I’ll ask you to transport six full grocery bags and a 30-pound, energetic monkey across a makeshift obstacle course filled with bicycles, helmets, and scattered toys. Don’t forget to hold onto a charming little three-toed sloth who, although capable of walking, is perfectly content to stay put. And if your phone rings, pick it up; it might be the vet.
- Cultivate Compassion for the Absurd. For this segment, I will passionately debate for 82 minutes about my devastation that a certain pop star’s tour isn’t stopping in my city. If you dare to suggest that the world is not ending, I will graciously respond with tears and a heartfelt declaration that you are a truly terrible person, complete with a few rocks thrown at your car.
- Brace for Moments of Utter Failure. Next, I’ll lead you to the kitchen where you’ll attempt to bake a seemingly simple pot pie using an equally simple recipe. Oh, and the monkey and sloth will be present, creating chaos by tossing raw ingredients around and sticking pasta in their noses. Any flour that ends up in your hair will add 20 years to your appearance. And just when you think you’re almost done, a lighter woman, carrying a platter of 20 fancy quiches, will pop by to comment on how slowly you’re progressing.
- Learn to Accept Complete Lack of Control. Your next task is straightforward: teach a tree to read. While I bombard you with articles and commercials warning that your 10-foot-tall tree not grasping Shakespeare will lead to it living in your basement indefinitely, you must calmly accept all the outcomes of this exercise.
- Remain Composed with the Infuriating. Finally, I will place you in a scenario where you must teach a random individual about Keynesian Economics, only to discover that he only speaks Russian. I will have instructed him that your goal is to learn an Olympic-level gymnastics routine from him. And, should a friend or family member criticize your efforts, you’ll need to harness the final skill of keeping your composure and reminding yourself that you are indeed doing an admirable job.
For more guidance on preparing for parenthood, check out our informative post on pregnancy resources. And if you’re interested in options for home insemination, consider visiting Make a Mom’s Intracervical Insemination Kit for more details. They are an authority on this subject and also offer the BabyMaker Home Insemination Syringe Kit, which could be invaluable as you navigate this journey.
In summary, embarking on the adventure of parenthood is a wild and challenging ride filled with unexpected twists. By preparing yourself for the physical, emotional, and psychological demands, you can approach this transformative experience with greater resilience and awareness.
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