By: Jamie Collins
Updated: Dec. 21, 2020
Originally Published: Feb. 26, 2013
Image via Shutterstock
It’s a question that transcends mere curiosity—where on earth have all the spoons gone? The phenomenon of household items mysteriously disappearing is a reality familiar to many parents. Common items like keys and socks vanish with alarming regularity, seemingly always when you’re in a rush. You might find a remote control stashed in the most unexpected places, like the bathroom counter or the kitchen. However, some items simply vanish into thin air in homes filled with children, creating a mystery that rivals the Bermuda Triangle.
Take spoons, for example. Before becoming a parent, I never lost an entire set of utensils. Sure, I might have misplaced a fork occasionally, but now? Good luck locating a spoon, even after you’ve done the dishes and put everything away. I could buy a new set of spoons every month, yet I still find myself with just two spoons in the drawer. Is there a spoon goblin lurking about, reminiscent of the laundry creature that consumes all those mismatched socks?
Then there are sippy cups. These elusive items should come equipped with GPS or homing signals. If you’ve ever discovered a three-week-old sippy cup, you understand the struggle. It’s often beyond salvaging (or smelling). When I was knee-deep in the sippy cup phase, I counted 17 in the cabinet, a vibrant collection of colors and BPA-free materials. Yet somehow, we soon dwindled down to three cups and a mountain of lids. The mystery of where the cups disappeared to remains unsolved.
Scissors and tape also seem to vanish at an alarming rate. What are my kids constructing in their playroom? Whatever it is, it requires an excessive amount of scotch tape and seems to lead to the monthly disappearance of scissors—2 to 3 pairs, to be exact. I often wonder what they are up to and whether I should be concerned. It’s clear that we are single-handedly supporting the tape industry, while countless pairs of scissors lie lost in the enigmatic realm of childhood creativity.
And don’t get me started on kids’ shoes. Little ones have an uncanny ability to shed footwear at will. Despite my efforts to teach them to put their shoes away, they still seem to vanish when it’s time to leave the house. To prevent last-minute chaos, I bought my Kindergartener four pairs of shoes at the start of the school year, hoping to avoid the frantic search for matching pairs. Predictably, I now have four lonely shoes scattered across the floor each Tuesday morning at 6:53 am. A valuable lesson learned—next year, I’ll buy them all the same style and color.
Band-aids, too, seem to disappear from our home. Despite no daily injuries, I find myself constantly replenishing our supply. My children have taken to grabbing band-aids without asking, leaving me with an empty box when I most need it. Just when I need to cover a small kitchen mishap, I discover I’m out of band-aids.
The cumulative cost of these lost items over the years could surely fund a college education for one of my children. Had I understood how much I’d spend replacing these missing things, I might have set up a savings fund or even invested in spoon production. I’d likely be quite well-off by now.
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In summary, the mystery of disappearing household items is a common struggle for many parents. From spoons to sippy cups, scissors to band-aids, these elusive items seem to vanish without a trace, leaving humor and frustration in their wake.
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