Author: Jenna Collins
Updated: August 21, 2015
Originally Published: March 15, 2013
In the realm of life milestones, taking an oath seems to be a rite of passage—be it the Hippocratic Oath for physicians or the Naturalization Oath for American citizens. In a similar vein, babies appear to have their own unwritten “Baby Oath.” If they could articulate their promises, it might resemble the following declaration:
- I hereby affirm that I will embody a perfect blend of irresistible charm and utter chaos.
- I pledge to regard nothing with respect; all of your belongings will be within my reach.
- I will ensure that my diaper is full just as you are about to leave the house. On special occasions, prepare for an unexpected surprise.
- I will choose your cleanest shirt as my canvas for spit-up artistry.
- I will reject all food offerings while simultaneously attempting to consume anything potentially harmful.
- I will not hesitate to cry in public, often without any discernible cause, and at the most inconvenient times.
- I will possess boundless energy at nap time, yet I will be utterly fatigued when you have plans.
- You will experience fleeting moments of snuggles followed by sudden flailing and surprise headbutts.
- I will detect your exhaustion with uncanny precision and demand to be held, rocked, and serenaded during those moments.
- I will defy the very principles of physics and baby-proofing, making your efforts futile.
- I will cling to my favorite songs, stories, or shows and insist on their constant repetition until you can no longer take it.
- I will disrupt your sleep, showers, and meals from the moment you bring me home from the hospital.
- I will crawl when you least expect it, walk before you are ready, and run with alarming speed.
- I promise to mature in the blink of an eye, turning one year old before you can even ask, “When did you grow up so fast?”
- I will be worth every moment… at least until I reach toddlerhood.
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Summary:
The Baby Oath humorously outlines the chaotic yet endearing nature of parenting. It highlights the paradox of nurturing a child who is both adorable and challenging. This light-hearted perspective serves as a reminder of the joys and trials that accompany parenthood.
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